sat by the ocean

alone

I'm alone now,
I think to myself as I lay on my couch
all the people who fucked me up are asleep.

I'm alone now,
I think to myself as the hours tick by
the parts of me I used to hate are now shown the love they deserve.

I'm alone now,
I think to myself as my heart swells from the joy
triumph settles over me until the first piano key is struck.

I'm alone now,
I realize as more and more insecurities pop up from where they were sitting in wait in my chest
pain courses through me and I am alone and there is nothing I can do about it.

I'm alone now,
I think to myself as I settle down somewhere far from people
and let my body relax.

I'm alone now,
I think to myself right before the loud, bad people come back
and fuck it all up again.

I'm alone now,
but I like to lie to myself
because glitter smeared over bloody curtains is prettier than the truth.

I'm alone now,
but a sadness runs through me.