sat by the ocean

h

I feel like it's inescapable sometimes
the weight isn't just on my shoulders,
it compresses my entire body
and it gets heavier and heavier every day
and my breathing space is always almost too tight

I have to ask myself now
am I really happy like this?
or am I just so glad that I'm not where I once was?

I'm staying on a raft I built instead of paddling back to civilization
that isn't what I want.

this is a step up from the imprisonment that I have faced
but I can't just stop halfway through hell
I want out.

I want out.
let me out.
help me out.

why am I doing this to myself?
I wouldn't put you through this.
I wouldn't let you stay here.
I won't let myself, either.

I don't care if I fear the power I have.
it's mine, and I'm taking it all.