sat by the ocean

candle wax

to express it all in one kiss would be holy
to let my tongue slide down your lips would be gospel
to pray unto your tongue that I'm yours would be divine,
darling, I'd pray to you instead of God, for He forsakes me

to tell you the truth, I don't know what I am
I am hungry most days, and most nights
I am caught up in firelight and moonbeams and wind
all inside this mind of mine, though I'm broken

and I'm broken and no-good for those that once wanted me
and I'm old and extinguished again
every time that I cry, I remember
that I don't have to go through this again

but I do, and I stay here, and I wait
because I always do just what I'm told
even if the directions are confusing
and I can't tell if I'm hot or cold

to express it all in one kiss would be holy
with years of devotion under my belt
I still need some time to find myself
and recover from the blows I'm being dealt

tell me, darling, you wait
and you adore me
and you've committed
and you
keep me going
when I'm quitting

don't worry about me,
but it makes my chest warm when you do.
don't cry about me,
but it makes me feel human when you do.
I feel real in the thought of your arms
want you to hold me now, more than ever
give me a recording to play of your soft voice
sing me something, and I'll listen—
whether it's untimed and uncontrolled or perfectly pitched

I don't know the time or the answer
to the questions that lay deep in my heart
and I know I must be detrimental
to everyone around me who wanted a new start

I am cold and I am withered in my approach
these feeble hands cannot bare just to shake
turn me around, switch me over, set a new course
but I'll be forgotten in a moment by day's break

I want to laugh with you and cry with you and scream
even if there's nothing to scream about
but I'm locked away deep within my own body
because my mind never wants to let me out.

but she's fading—
that depressed imageof me I've seen in the mirror,
with her teeth sharp and bloody and venom-stained.
and the wolf that once brought down the heavens—
she, too, is getting old and plain.

is it wrong to grow up?

I am taunted and haunted by these things
my family mocks me for everything
even growing out of a phase they didn't like,
so I'm confused.

to express it all in one kiss would be holy
I am hungry for your bread and wine
to hell I may go, but I'll hold your hand so
we will not get lost on the way,
stay safe.

is it wrong to grow up?
boyfriend, girlfriend, partner
wolf, human, eldritch
artist, storyteller, creator
child, storm, witch

but what is next?

a phoenix flies under pressure
moving over these mountains and hills
they expect me to sit by and do nothing
well,
I know I'm stronger than all of their wills.

to express it all in one kiss would be holy
to let my tongue slide down your lips would be my gospel
to pray unto your tongue that I'm yours would be divine,
call me baby, I'll melt like candle wax into your eyes