sat by the ocean

hunger

hunger plagues my insides
it's ravenous, and oh-so frightening
it claws my skin
like waves lapping at a rock
eroding my doubts and anxieties away
I need those.
what else am I supposed to fall back on
when the world goes dark?
I need something.
I need a rock.
I have nothing else.

this hunger drives every movement I make,
every word I speak,
every breath I breathe
it burrows deep in my bones
and doesn't let go
no matter how much food I eat
because it's not a hunger for food.

the circle is forever
and I know this hunger is not
but it sure feels like it might be
with the pure strength of it all.

carry my body down to the lake
and let the waves hold my fingertips
as you wade us in deep.

I come to life in oceans
and forests
and in seas of dark,
with soft clouds
and cracked magma
and harsh truths and trust.

I die when I touch land
that is full of hate
so take my hand softly
and bring me life once again.

hunger plagues my mind
it was once so calculated, and refined
but now it's rotting
and I'm terrified.
am I going insane,
or do I think far too much?
I hunger for knowledge,
but it feels like too much.

this hunger drives every moment I wake,
everything I see,
everything I taste
it burrows deep in my heart
and doesn't let go
no matter what I do,
where I go,
what I say.

it stays.

it scares me sometimes.

I don't think I could ever lie to you,
I am in pain,
but I've been in worse before.
I'll know I'll make it through with ease
but it's nice to have you at my door.

I burn eternal
until I again succumb to ash
are you prepared to watch that
if you know I'll come back?

I can say with certainty
that I trust you to survive in my inner storms
but I fear there will be nothing left of me
if the rest of me conforms

to this hunger.

what does it want?