Bonded | Kylo Ren x Reader |

~Conversations~

A week had passed and you felt empty. Although what Kylo had done to you was wrong in so many ways, it was strange barely speaking to him. The only times you two interacted was when you had training together. The closest thing to a laugh you shared was when you were constructing your lightsaber. It was something you were proud of for just a little while, but then reality came crashing back down. And reality was painful. Reality cut deeper than a thousand knives and burned hotter than Kylo's lightsaber. By the time the second week passed, you only felt guilt. Part of you wanted to forgive him but the other part of you was screaming no. He looked so hurt most of the time, but his pain reminded you of the pain he brought you.

You hated yourself for longing for his touch. Even if he wasn't always gentle or loving. You wanted to hear his voice and have a real conversation, even if that meant you would end up in tears and him in silence. Closure was something every human wanted and now you craved it. You craved him. There was a fire burning in your stomach that shouldn't have been there. No matter how many times you tried to put it out, the spark kept relighting itself.

You understood wanting closure from any other person, but this was more. You had to blame yourself, but you also had to blame that ridiculous Force bond. That dyad that made you inseparable and drew you towards one another. You were like planets gravitating towards one another. Only these planets collided in a shower of pain and tears. Your longing was also accompanied by another feeling. Desire. Lust, even. So much so, that you resorted to touching yourself at night while thinking about him. Fantastic.

By the beginning of the third week, you could take no more of it. Today was a training day between you and Kylo anyways. Unfortunately your constant sadness and anger made your fighting thrive beneath the Dark Side, but you had grown used to it now. You had greatly improved and you were sure Kylo would have told you so if you were on speaking terms. Your hand rests on the cool black hilt of your lightsaber as you walk into the training room. As per usual, your master was already standing on the springy center mat, pulling on his gloves and fiddling with his lightsaber.

Kylo looks up when he hears the door swinging shut behind you, followed by your light footsteps on the slick ground. "Good on you for finally joining me." There was coldness in his tone. That wasn't exactly a surprise.

You sigh and look up at him as you step onto the mat. "I think we should talk." You plant your hands on your hips. "For real this time."

"What is there to talk about?" He says rather snidely. "You obviously don't want anything to do with me."

"And for a good reason too!" You close your eyes, taking a breath before you explode. "I just... we can't stay mad forever. That's silly and petty. Even though what you did was shitty, you're still my master. I'm still expecting to learn from you because I got myself into this mess as well."

Kylo goes back to picking at the hilt of his weapon. "I'm glad to see you're finally coming to your senses."

Your eye twitches. "That's it? No apology from you, Commander? I know you wanted to have this conversation just as much as I did. I could feel the conflict in you. We're connected, if you don't remember."

"How could I forget? You're always there. You're always nagging me in some part of my mind." He scoffs at you. "You're like a splinter I can't seem to get rid of. Ironic, considering I don't mind you hanging around." He lowers the saber and looks back up. "But that's only when you control that naughty mouth of yours."

Your stomach lurches, but you push the feeling down and exchange it for anger. "Are you kidding me? You're an asshole, you know that?"

"Watch your mouth. I'm still your master and your commander." Kylo's eyes flicker over you momentarily. "To answer your question from that night... you're my apprentice. That's all you are to me. That's all you'll ever be."