Black Rose

Chapter 41

"Okay, okay, stop pushing!" Mild said as Gulf was trying to get him out the door. He had stayed over since the morning , helping Gulf separate the files he had dropped earlier.

"Mild, you already dropped and mixed the files once, I'm not letting you do it again!"

"Hey that was an accident!" Mild exclaimed pushing Gulfs hands away.

Gulf arched a brow "No it was you throwing a tantrum because I wouldn't talk about Suppasit" he continued before Mild could interrupt " and to be away from the office" They had spent all morning sorting through files and getting them in order thanks to Mild's outburst, it was already 1 pm, Gulf was surprised the chief hadn't called Mild once.

"I just hate working at office alone! I'm so used to us being together! Kana!" He whined loudly "Stop hiding here, just tell me what happened did he hurt you? " Mild started to worry, what if it had been something bad.

Gulf sighed "Mild really it's fine, he didn't hurt me, he didn't do anything to me okay? Its just... me.. I need a break okay?" He looked at his friend pleading he would just drop it, he had enough with his own mind he didn't need someone else to add to it.

"Okay I will drop it if you promise to go out with us this weekend! " Mild looked at him pouting, Gulf could tell this was going to be and endless cycle if he didn't accept.

"Fine! I promise" he finally answered giving up.

"Okay, and you promise to be okay with whatever we decide to do?" He asked a little nervously. Gulf tensed at the thought of being surrounded by people, but he had told himself he needed to stop acting fragile so he would.

"Yes, fine. Whatever it is you decide to do I'll do it, just drop the Suppasit thing okay?"

"Yes!" Mild jumped excitedly and hugged him, this was a start, he was really trying now just like he promised. "I can't wait to tell the guys! They're gonna be so happy you're joining us this time! Bye!" He yelled as he rushed out the house.

Gulf groaned, what had he gotten himself into. He closed the door after watching Mild drive away. He went back to his desk where the case files were piled and sat down. He sighed, maybe he was being a coward by avoiding Mew like this, but he didn't care he needed to stay away from him.

"You're broken, no one wants to deal with all that drama you carry, it's just a burden" Jimmy's words rang in his head. That's right he was broken, broken to the point he wasn't sure why he was still here at times, he felt like he was just existing, the world was the same with him in it or without. He shook his head he hated when dark thoughts took over. He had struggled for years with them. He breathed in deep "Stop it Gulf! You have people that love you" he smiled faintly at the faces that appeared in his mind.

That's right he had to remember even when he didn't love himself, he had people who cared and worried for him. It wasn't good to live for others but since his parents death, it was the only reason he was hanging on, he had seen how hurt Mild had been when he mentioned no longer being here. He couldn't allow anyone else to be hurt because of him, he wouldn't be the reason why they hurt. He smiled sadly at the memory of his parents and the guilt it brought with it.

"I really miss you guys..." he said softly, he felt the tears begin to sting his eyes and closed them "I miss you so fucking much mom and dad" he felt the tears finally spill over and roll down his cheeks. He sat there crying silently letting the pain and guilt he felt drown him.

He remembered his moms beautiful smile and how her warm brown eyes lit up at the sight of him "Kana! My beautiful baby boy! You were amazing out there! Best soccer player on that field!" She said proudly as she peppered him with kisses, he sobbed hard feeling the memory wreck him, "What do you expect of a Traipipattanapong!" His dad exclaimed full of pride while pulling him in for a hug "My son is the best! He will go far in life!" His dads eyes crinkled as he smiled and blinked rapidly to hide his tears. "Are you crying old man?" He had teased back then, his dad had looked at him with eyes beaming with pride and love, his mother holding his hands like she was holding the whole world, Gulf felt his body shake with his cries and he covered his mouth to keep from whaling. His muffled sobs being the only thing echoed in the room.