Black Rose

Chapter 44

Gulf felt like shit. He opened his eyes slowly blinking trying to focus. His head was pounding massively. He felt really cold for some reason. He looked around his room by the looks of it was the sun rising? No way. He looked over to the clock on his night stand. 6:45. He thought for moment. AM?

He was so confused. He reached over for his phone but it was off. Fuck his body felt weak. He plugged it in and laid back down. He felt exhausted, like he had ran a marathon. His phone suddenly started vibrating like crazy. He blinked. He grabbed it and looked at the mountain of incoming messages and missed calls.

He groaned , Mild had sent him over 40 messages.

Gulf are you up now?

Can I come over?

Are you okay?

Why aren't you answering

Im heading over now.

Im here open the door!

Gulf please! I'm starting to panic!

Open the door!

Kanawut!

Im going back for my spare key! I don't care if you get upset 😡

Gulf I can't find the key anywhere please open the door.

Okay I'm calling a locksmith!!

If you don't open this door right this instant I'm calling Suppasit and telling him you're in love with him!!!

Gulf?

Gulf couldn't help but chuckle at his friend. He was thankful for Mild, the fact that he cared so much made Gulf feel warm inside, he was about to reply when a call came in.

"Hello?" He answered sounding more hoarse than he had intended.

"Gulf Kanawut!!! Thank goodness you had me so scared. Why didn't you answer my calls or messages I was banging at your door like a maniac!" Mild yelled into his ear. "You've been MIA for over 12 hours"

Gulf blinked 12 hours? He glanced at his clock, It was 6:58 now. Oh, PM.He had slept the whole day?

"Gulf?" Mild voice brought him back.

"I'm sorry I just woke up" he said honestly "my phone was dead and I didn't even hear you when you came by" he sat up on the bed bringing his legs close to his chest "I didn't mean to worry you I just felt really tired, I'm sorry"

You could hear Mild sigh on the other side of the phone "It's okay, have you eaten? I'll come over with some crispy pork okay?" Gulf was about to refuse but his stomach growled reminding him he hadn't eaten all day " Okay" he said softly.

"Okay be there in a bit! Love you Kana" Mild said. Gulf smiled "Love you too Suttinut "

—-

They sat on the couch after eating, watching a drama. Mild had made a huge fuss when he arrived and scolded Gulf who had been running a slight fever. He was now fever free but his best friend wasn't going anywhere.

"Gulf?" Mild said looking at Gulf who had his head on the pillow on his lap. He just hummed in response.

"I want you to know ..." he trailed off causing Gulf to look at him. Mild blinked and looked at his best friend, his brother. " I just want you to know it's okay not to be okay" Gulf just stared at him.

Mild patted him softly on the head. "You don't have to pretend to be strong in front of me or anyone for that matter, it's perfectly normal to not be okay. It's okay to show weakness, it's okay to be you. You don't need to lie."

Gulf stared at his friend. He didn't realize he was crying until Mild began to wipe his tears away "It's okay to feel pain, sorrow, it's okay not to want to smile." Now Mild was crying as well " it is never a burden to feel what you need to feel, it will never be a burden to express if you're not happy. I will still love you the same, even in the moments where you can't find a reason to love you. I love you."

Gulf sat up and looked at his best friend who's tears were now sliding rapidly down his cheeks.
"I just don't want you guys to hurt cause of me" Gulf said brokenly , Mild laughed "Gulf it hurts us more to watch you pretend to be okay when you clearly aren't" he wiped Gulfs cheeks " we rather have the broken and true you, than the fake made up version you keep creating to hide the pain"

Gulf couldn't believe his ears. He had hidden his pain for so long thinking he was doing the right thing, thinking they didn't want to see, thinking he could handle it all alone, and here was his best friend telling him they all knew it and accepted him regardless. He cried harder and Mild hugged him tightly. "Is it really okay not to be okay?" He asked between sobs.

"Yes!" Mild said while holding him

"It's like I learned from a drama" he said chuckling "Only those who take the memories and pain they have suffered and have buried it in their heart" he said pulling back and looking at his friend "Can become stronger , so don't forget any of it, don't hide it or try to pretend the hurt you feel doesn't exist" he wiped the tears away "Remember it, and overcome it at your own pace, just don't let it swallow you whole" Gulf sobbed and hugged Mild again.

"Thank you" he whispered.

Meanwhile

He smiled at the girl in front of him. He was so sick of pretending he was interested in anything this bitch had to say.

She continued to talk incessantly about her trip with her friends and it took everything in him not to grab the fork he was holding and stab her with it. He was glad he had her routine down. Now he just needed to adjust to his schedule change so he could get it done without getting caught. He felt himself harden at the thought of watching her take her last breath.

"Beautiful" he whispered out loud without realizing, the girl heard it and smiled while a slow blush appeared on her cheeks. He smiled it didn't matter if she though he meant her. She went back to talking and his mind wondered.

He smiled again thinking of the piece of shit he had taken care of the night before. He couldn't believe his luck. He had seen Gulf out of his element. When he had seen him walk into the bar he had been taken aback by the way he looked, so sexy with those clothes and his cold distant face was the cherry on top. He knew it was probably his dumb friends who had made him come out, but he didn't mind it this time because he had gotten to see him in a different light and he loved every second of it. He had kept his eyes on him as he worked with the other bartender on shift.

When he had seen him come down from the V.I.P area he had wanted to walk to him so bad. He didn't like the way Bright had held him, it had pissed him off so much he had broken one of the liquor bottles, the last one, the other bartender had sent him to the back to get a new one, when he had come back he had seen his Kana rushing away with a man after him. He had felt his blood boil he wanted to murder him. He had tried to rush off after him only for his boss who had suddenly came in to ask where he was going. He had to make an excuse to leave or he would loose his fucking mind. He had rushed over finally only to hear the prick call his Kana a killer. How dare he, he was going to kill him right there and then his boss had interrupted by grabbing his arm and sending him back behind the counter.

But luck was on his side. The prick had come to sit in front of him and had gotten himself drunk silly. He had caught him after his shift leaning on a wall. He chuckled and the girl reached over to grab his hand and rub her thumb on it. He smiled at her and played with the ring on her hand. He felt giddy at the thought of how he had used the same hands to squeeze the life out of the prick, he remembered hearing him sob for forgiveness, for mercy but he didn't care, he had watch his life snuff out under his hold like a cigarette, he squeezed the girl hands and she blushed furiously.

Her time had come. It was just a matter of shifting some things around. "I'm so happy I met you" he said with a wide smile.

Gulf & Mild
*Scene inspired by kdrama It's okay not to be okay*