Episode 16: A Little Bit Of My Soul

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               The next thing I heard was a clank as my gun hit the floor, Spes' eyes just out of it and she was slowly lowering herself to sit down, legs bent under her while I was still struggling to get this long legged, scrawny as$hole off of me.

               I thought it would've been hard to, but my arms surprised me and it was easy to slug him to the side, blood once again catching my eyes as it leaked out of his brain like paint, spreading nonstop and without subtlety.

               That's it...Another Day, Another Death...

               "Agh." My throat feels like it's just been fed acid. Damm. I actually thought Spes was gonna let me die. Spes who's never killed more than 10 walkers. Spes who hasn't...been out in the world for more than a whole week; according to what she's told us. Sh1t.

               "Spes?" I strain out and turn around to see her just looking at the body, a little disbelief in her face like she can't believe she just killed somebody.

               There's already a raw smell of copper and intoxication of blood lifting into the air, it's practically coating our throats that it makes me cough a couple more times, the way it sets in the back of my nose where my throat connects, and I know I've tasted this flavor a thousand times, eating the death that's been lifted into the air.

               It took me so long to get used to it.

               When I killed someone, I didn't have to smell the fvcking blood that was on my hands. But...Spes...she-

               "Spes, can you hear me?" I wouldn't doubt if she needed to be checked into a loony bin about now. But of course we don't have that option. "Spes?" I pull my gun away and try to block her view, but she's staring right into the eyes of the guy bleeding out.

               Why is she doing that?!

               "Spes?!" I start to hold her shoulders, barely touching the soft fabric that's beginning to wear down, when she gasps back into life, as if she was on hold for a moment, and her brain just processed what the heIl happened.

               The only thing I hear for the next 6 seconds is the terrified high pitch of Spes' vocal chords that sounds like she's just seen a monster or got her hands broken. Almost like she's crying.

               "Spes?!" I'm literally freaked out by how much she's screaming, sh1t! Her hands are partially hiding her face, but her eyes are perfectly open and running over with tears, no sign of slowing. "Spes! Please!" I begin to gently pull her towards me. If she doesn't calm down there'll be walkers for miles. "Spes!!" I find my voice again, not the struggled voice but the whole voice, deep and still changing. It's not enough though.

               She's pushed me away and slid herself towards the corner of the kitchen counters, pulling her hair back while she drags her legs as close as she can to her body, face red with how hard she's crying and how much she's still fvcking screaming.

               "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" My voice sounds petrified. It's almost as unstable and panicky as hers but she's really starting to scare me. No wonder! Following her gaze from the body back to her, the view isn't all that kind.

               Immediately after her screaming is replaced with hyper cries and uncontrollable lack of oxygen. Her voice is giving out too and it sounds really painful.

               It's like he's still alive, or he's possessed the way he has her crying in a corner, making sure she doesn't take up more than a small circle of space, like if she extends her legs too much, the blood will touch her or...it's like she's losing her mind.

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