Child Of The Future

Episode 29: Light Doesn't Reach Corners

               I can't stop the cringe that decorates my face when I watch while the men of the group pour dust over Tara's body, the idea it gives me to see her nostrils fill up with dirt, dry and suffocating, but then I remember, she won't suffocate at all.

               She's dead.

               "Let us pray." Father Gabriel timidly but surely looks to everyone, wondering who will stay and who will go, and I know for sure that as Daryl and a few others turn away to leave, not bothering to give in to this way of belief and life, it surprises me when I stay, and see Carl move to come closer after giving Michonne a look before she offers a warm, knowing smile to both of us.

               I guess this is part of it. Live a filthy life you can't avoid because you need to survive, but you try your best to stay as true to what's right as you can.

               This is us trying to be decent with what our conscience and hearts remember to be so. I'm guessing I feel less awkward than most the people here since I'm fresh meat when it comes to this stuff.

               I see everyone bow their heads, the one's that stuck around: Sasha, Tyreese, Maggie, Glenn, Carol, Michonne, Deniece, Kitty, a few other girls from the house, Jesse, Noah, Carl and myself, and I sigh as the prayer is said aloud by Mr. Church Mouse, and I lace my fingers together, bringing my knuckles up to my lips, close my eyes to say my first goodbye to a comrade, and a genuine hello to God.

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               "Why weren't you here during the service?" I raise an eyebrow, and go back to picking at grass next to the newly upturned earth before licking my lips and looking out over the sickly green pasture land surrounding the boarding house, sighing at how weird this dude is.

               "I do not indulge nor feel comfortable with the religious acts of others when I am a confirmed and dedicated agnostic since early teen years. I've always been satisfied to rely on Science and other theories about life..." He takes a fvcking breath. "Lately thought, I have been given to wonder." Eugene doesn't even look at me when his accent and stiff voice greets my question, and he just keeps his eyes on the ground, frowning and staring with his beady little orbs and...What the fvck? A mullet?

               If he weren't so ugly it'd look pretty cool, but he seriously looks like he picked his hair up off the road and skinned it before gluing it to his scalp.

               "But you're here now?" It sounds like an accusation coming from my lips. "Why?" I stand slowly, feeling my possible responsibility for another person being under the ground sticking to me, no matter where I go. If I don't find out why she died, I think I'll go insane. But if it wasn't me, then it's probably risky to be walking around and all this sh1t without some protection.

               Those men Deniece talked about could be aiming for one of us right now. If so...I offer up Eugene as a sacrifice.

               Fvck, I can still joke about sh1t like that? Damm, I'm sick.

               I can see Rick and a few others leaving though right now, going off towards the gate to look for some stuff. I'm almost ready to run over and tell them, Daryl, Glenn and Noah, to just stay, take a break, maybe mourn a little more or something if just to keep them from getting in trouble out there.

               "You're responsible."

               I freeze and turn around to dart my eyes to stare at Eugene's hate filled ones. His words literally cracking the icy silence between the two of us, only getting stronger and paler by the winds influence around our shivering selves.