Child Of The Future

Episode 21: Am I Too Late?

Ok, in case anybody get's confused or something, remember, I double updated. So if you're reading this and feel like, 'the heck?' then just go back to chapter 20. Hope you enjoy.

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               When I was younger, I used to watch the world go by.

               I would lie awake on my bed, wishing to one day be able to help everyone that didn't know they could be helped. It's all a mixed up emotion for me now, wondering if there's any point, rhyme or reason.

               The darkest despair, when your eyes just, literally lose the hope that portrays as a star in your stare...Every day, I would fight my guilt to keep that twinkle present. Mentally, I'd exhaust any other emotion, replace it with stubbornness to neglect defeat and to never give in to what I kept away.

               But now, every day is just a sunrise and sunset on repeat. Every day I'm out here, I think about everyone, wondering how many died, in what ways they died, how they felt, if they were alone...and I wish I could accept responsibility without feeling anything to bring me down.

               I wish I could go back to the first day, when this was all just a big adventure and I promised myself I'd help save the world.

               But I can't anymore.

               I can't see anything but what my father has done. I can't focus on my 'prime objective'.

               I thought I could, but I didn't expect to have a new emotion. One I never saw coming that connected me, to the guilt I've been trying to stagger at bay for years past.

               It wasn't just me being the useful bystander.

               I know it's stupid to feel a great amount towards that...but I'm human. A human and that is what kills me the most.

               I'm a weak human, when I thought I was strong.

               Before I was even aware of how fvcked my dad was, I'd snob around, feeling proud, entitled, and like I was doing everyone a great big favor, for just being alive.

               Spes...Goddess of hope.

               Spes...Child Of The Future.

               When in reality, it's all just lies that I can't see as truth anymore.

               And I think that's it. I think that's what's compelling this knife towards my heart as I sit in this bathroom, door wide open, for anyone to come in and see me on the floor, shaking to get it over with, and it won't even matter, because in this moment, I am alone.

               And this won't take much longer anyway.

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-Several Hours Earlier-

-Carl's P.O.V.-

               "Hop on." I shyly look back to the bicycle, not the motorcycle that I really wanted to try out, but couldn't for a number of reasons, first being Spes, that spicy attitude of hers that caught me off guard when I felt her straddle my back.

               If it wasn't for the walkers, I'd be screwed at what she might've seen, but now we're just in the middle an empty road, leaves bordering the sides in blazing shades of orange and red, some yellow, with the peacefulness of earlier returning through the sunny shines coming down to us.