Child Of The Future

Episode 23: Strange Things, Certain Thoughts

               I feel like I've been holding back for years, when really it hasn't been that long that I've been around him, let alone loved him. I still can't believe that part either. Who knows? Maybe I think I love him but I don't?

               I wonder.

               Well, let's see. How do I feel about him?

               That could take days to figure out, and since I'm busy aiming his silencer towards a walker at the moment, screw the questions and just go with my girlish emotions. I let the shivers of his body behind mine help me guide my aim influence how much I love being near him.

               The perfect character, kind, doesn't take too much of my sh1t, strong willed, playful, and many other characteristics, in the perfect body, slim, toned, strong, beautiful and handsome, and I think he's growing but since we're around each other, or have been around each other for a while now, I can't tell.

               I remember when I first met him I was pissed that he was so fvcking puny and I was actually healthier than him. I'm not sure if it's because I've lost weight or because he's becoming more built, but I think our bodies are changing sides in the size department. Who knows? Maybe we're tied. Girls do mature and develop faster than guys.

               I'm guessing I'm gonna be a whole lot of woman when I get about 18. I'm guessing he'll be pretty much like his dad. He certainly has that slim, long build. I'm secretly dying to look at his stomach because I know it's probably tight with structure, but I'm trying to be at least a little reserved.

               After about 2 weeks of being on and off with him, I'm fvcking crazy about the fact that now that we belong to each other, under mutual agreement since we love each other, not just like, I can do whatever I want to and with him.

               If I want to kiss him, I can. I don't have to hold back anymore. I mean, the subject of sex is a little unnerving for me, and fvck yes, I'm nervous, but I'm more anxious than anything to show him how much I've been wanting him. Now all I have to do is wait, I guess.

               Everytime I think about that moment in the bathroom when I was pleasuring myself to him, yes I rub my temples in slight shame but, more than anything, I've never felt this way towards a person before. I want him.

               In the past half week when it's just been the two of us, I've gotten to know him. Some of his habits while eating, some of his preferences that don't really matter much since we don't have the luxury of indulging our preferences, and I got to be near him, falling in love with the sleeping posture he can't seem to shake no matter how many times he begins the night by laying on his side.

               Sooner or later, he always ends up on his back, both arms above his head with one leg propped up. That, or he rolls onto his stomach, snoozing and enjoying the peace that night brings, if we secure the front door tight enough.

               "Spes, hurry up. It's getting away." Carl's deep voice that I became infatuated with the first time I heard it instructs softly and I blush before looking back at him.

               Having short hair has really done some things concerning how easy it is to feel his touch lingering close to my neck and shoulder, the sweet taste of his breath on my exposed skin, is so heavenly I want to just forget about shooting a walker and indulge the urges I feel for him at times like this.

               "Who the fvck cares if it gets away?" I sigh. "It's just one and it's leaving. It doesn't even see us."

               "You need to learn how to use a gun." He tilts his head to look at me, which makes me groan since he's already pushing this gun sh1t my way.