My Distraction {Completed}

~47~

Colby's pov

I woke up and I felt something on top of me I opened my eyes and I seen a head of blonde hair I smiled remembering that Sam was back. I put my arms around him being cautious of my arm and held him tight and he put his head in my neck I smiled and kissed his head and I felt him smile "morning baby" "good morning daddy" he mumbled and we just laid there in silence happy we have each other again. Bark! Sam jumped and then giggled and looked up "stormy!" He giggled I chuckled "how did he get here" "I dunno" Stormy came over and laid next to us "baby did you leave the doors open" "uh maybe" he shrugged and pet Stormy I chuckled and put my head back down against the pillows and my eyes closed sam giggled and poked my cheek "wake up daddy" I smiled and opened my eyes "I'm up baby" he giggled and stopped poking me and I closed my eyes again "no daddy" he giggled and tried prying my eyes open I chuckled and moved his hands and he giggled "wake up daddy" I opened my eyes and looked at him and he was looking at me already "I'm tired" I said and he giggled "mwe too" I chuckled and grabbed my phone and checked the time 1:30 "whats time" I chuckled at the way he asked it "it's 1:30" "we sweep in" he giggled and snuggled into me "hey baby" he hummed "when we were apart what did you do" he whined a bit "I don't like thinking about it either baby I just want to know what you did" he whined again and put his head in my neck I rubbed his back "it's ok baby" "I-i don't want woo to be mad" I furrowed my brows "baby I won't be mad at you I promise I just want to know if you were as bad as me" "c-can woo twell me after" "I guess baby" he nodded but didn't say anything I rubbed his back "take your time baby" he sighed "so on the fwirst week I cwied non stop an free days in Devwyn and Tara came over an they had me shower and den they said we were gonna gwo somewhere but I refused so we jus watched movies and of course they put on goofy movie and I acted like I was ok an held back tears an when they left I cwied. They came over everyday but I stopped letting them in an cwied did nofing jus stayed in bed an ony did things for Stormy to keep him happy an he stayed by me the whole time" he stopped and I felt a tear land in my neck "oh baby don't cry" "s-sowwy" "it's ok are you done" "w-well I stayed i-in bed all the time an ony got up t-to take stormy out an pway w-wif him an feed him and I-i ate as well b-but stopped eating on t-the second week t-thats when it got bad an I-i heard woo yelling at elty I think it was but it was on the fwirst day and I felt gwuilty cwuz I knew I was wrong cwuz woo came back an I wanted to come here an I didn't cwuz I didn't think woo wanted to see mwe. I didn't weally sweep eiver ony cwied I-i started having b-bad memories c-come back f-from my p-past too o-one came b-back when I heard a th-thud and a yell an i-it was woo I cwied harder den I h-heard woo s-say m-my name sa-saying sowwy a-an that's w-when I realised w-woo alswo n-needed mwe an a-about woo an your p-past an c-came over q-quickly. I-i jus w-wish I ca-came so-sooner" I frowned and rubbed his back "it's ok Sammy" "i-i-i so-sowwy" he sobbed "no no nothings your fault baby I promise you that" he nodded and I calmed him down

Tw

"C-can woo twell mwe now" he asked softly "oh uh sure" "take your time daddy" he giggled and I smiled "so when you shut the door on me sat against it and I cried and I was going to stay there but of course Jake came and found me and yelled at me wanting me to go in my apartment but I yelled at him and he left then hours later I was still at your door but Elton came and he forced me to go so I did and I went to my place and I laid on the side you usually sleep in and cried and I soon feel asleep crying. Then I woke up early in the morning and there was a knock on the door so I got up and answer and it was Elton he told me to get ready for school I didn't want to but he made me so I went back to my room and I went in my closet and I found the hoodie you always wear when you go to sleep and I started crying Elton came in and seen me in the floor crying and hugging the hoodie close to me and yelled at me to get over you but I yelled back at him and he left and I put on the hoodie - I'm still wearing it-
And I got back in bed that's all it was me in bed only getting up to use the bathroom I didn't eat didn't do anything I fell back in I wanted to cut on the first week it began to be too much I tried staying strong for you but it was getting hard hearing the voices and soon I gave in, I gave in to the voices yelling me to cut, kill myself even so I got up and went to the bathroom and when I walked in I seen your bath toys the happy memories came back a-and I started crying hard knowing I lost the one thing that meant everything and I gave up on trying to get you back so easily I grabbed the razors and a-another memory came in the one of you catching me about to cut myself and I wanted you to do the same so bad just for you to open the door and stop me again b-but you didn't so I applied the pressure to the razor on my wrist and I got a message and it was from colleen asking if we could do the playdate soon and I thew my phone and had a panic attack and cried in my knees I couldn't take it s-so I cut b-but y-you came in and s-stopped me before i-it got worse i-i-i w-was going to g-go far a-and make the pain g-go away I wa-" "n-no da-daddy pwease st-stop I-i so-sowwy pwease stop" he cried and I frowned and I held him close "I-im sorry baby" he dug his head in my neck and cried I sat up and rested my back on the head board and put my head against the wall and cried softly holding Sam close "I-im so sorry baby" I whispered and he wrapped his legs around my waist and moved his arms around my torso putting his head on my chest crying into my hoodie holding on tightly and I held him tightly as well. We both calmed down and just held each other in silence untill he spoke up "I-i sowwy I made woo do that daddy" "no baby you did not make me do this please stop putting that in your head you didn't make me please stop thinking that" "then what did daddy what made woo do it" I sighed and he pulled away and looked at me waiting for an answer "see I did nofing else, mwe I did daddy I-i did" tears ran down his face and I cupped his cheeks and wiped them "no baby you didn't" "y-yes I did" "no stop please you didn't" "th-then who did i-" "no! I did Sammy I did, I made myself do it not you!" A tear rolled down my face "I did" I whispered letting more tears fall along with my hands from his face and I leaned back and put my head against the wall "I did, it was the voices they came back, they came back to make fun that I lost the most valuable thing to me the thing that made me happy they told me that I was worthless, helpless and so many more things they said you didn't love me and I know for a fact you did and still did. the memories of my past of my family came back the one that hurt the most came back the one that you witnessed me almost cutting because my brother left, left me without telling me in person so we couldn't spend a day together to have fun and say our last goodbyes with having time to say it so we mean it not one where we say bye quickly so he won't be late" I whispered and closed my eyes tight "I did not you me, I drove myself crazy to the point it pains me, to the point it hurts, to the point to remember I have nothing yeah I have friends they are amazing I literally can't ask for more but they don't know about my cutting not even Jake and he's been here since day one, my family they act like I don't exist the only thing I had left of my family was my brother he left to visit them oh how badly I wish I could go there and see them but I can't I'd only go back and see truly how they care about everyone else and be happy give 'welcome back' gifts smile act like a true family and me, I'm just the fly on the wall that watches them its like I'm not there no one cared about me so I left moved here with gage when he left it broke me I almost cut I didn't cause well, you stopped me that's why I cut I never told you but that's why I lost the one thing that helped me through this and when you stopped me that's when I knew you could help me through everything we could be through thick and thin we would love each other to death never leave each other we'd be by each other's sides no matter the situation, but when we split I still had you on my mind I stayed strong for you thats why I didn't cut I did cut because I was alone I had no one I pushed everyone out I fell to deep to care about anyone I didn't answer the door because I wanted them to care about you I didn't care about myself I wanted you to be ok but not knowing if you were ok broke me knowing you may be happy without me broke me but I knew you weren't ok without me hearing you cry in the other side of the door hurt me but the voices they made me believe you were ok without me I really didn't want to believe them but they kept talking, pushing, nagging hearing kill yourself everyday and that no one would care it broke me it made me think 'would anyone actually notice and care at one point I was about to get up and end it all' but then you came in my mind and I stopped myself but one day I broke having the memories of always being left out not being happy cutting feeling the pain of not being wanted, feeling the stinging sensation of the blade run across my wrist and seeing the blood flow out it wasn't the best choice I know that but it made all the pain go away and the situation I was in having nothing to make me happy like you did made me do it not you the feeling of the pain and being alone did the voices myself did not you, you could never make me want to cut you make me forget how shitty my life is and make me feel wanted you make me happy you make me feel loved not want me to cut you helped me" tears falling hot down my cheeks I took a deep breath and began in a whisper "you saved me again I was actually going to kill myself I was going to end it but you saved me again you could never make me cut you are my world my everything you will never and I mean it never make me cut you are my light you are my distraction for everything Sammy" "I-i k-know da-daddy w-woo sa-say that al-all the time" he hugged me and I hugged him back "i-i-i sowwy I-i won't th-think i-it again"