Maybe I miss you

Just a child

Harry got up and went to the kitchen and started baking. He planed on visiting his mom, since he didn't want to alone or bother any of his friends with his bad mood, and wanted to bring something along. He decided to bake Anne's favourite chocolate cake. Harry put all his love into making this cake and he tried to only think about baking, but he couldn't. His mind wandered to all the memories he had of baking with and for Louis and he got sad. He used to bake Louis's favourite cake so often that he could still remember the recipe by heart. His favourite cake was a vanilla cake with chocolate icing and a sprinkle filling. Harry laughed when he realised that this could be the favourite cake of any toddler, but it was his boyfriend's, well ex-boyfriend's favourite. Harry almost teared up and decided to only bake Louis's cake again if Louis came back. The uncertainty killed him and made him miss Louis even more. He pushed his thoughts away until he dropped some icing and he was reminded of the cake fight they once had on stage.

They were so happy and free that night. It felt like nothing could stop them, but management did stop them, and after that, it didn't feel like this ever again.

As soon as the cake was done Harry got in the car and drove to his mom. The ride was long and Harry never enjoyed driving on his own but he knew that being with his mom and talking to her would help him. And he needed all the help he could get because he really was lost.

When he arrived his mom waited for him at the door.

Anne: "Baby, what are you doing here?"

Harry got closer and handed her the cake.

Harry: "I brought cake."

Anne raised her eyebrows.

Anne: "Come on in."

As soon as the door closed Anne started questioning Harry.

Anne: "Why are you here? You didn't drive all this way on your own just to bring me cake did you?"

Harry shook his head and got very sad because he knew what he was about to say. Anne realised the emotional state Harry was in and got worried. He took his hand and they both sat down at the living room couch.

Anne: "What happened, baby?"

Anne was still holding Harry's hand and squeezed it a little to encourage him to talk. Harry took a deep breath and felt how shaky his voice was.

Harry: "He ... he wanted a break."

The tears that Harry was holding back the entire way to his mom's house started running down his cheek.

Anne: "Louis?"

Harry nodded.

Anne: "Why?"

Harry: "He said that he was losing himself."

Harry looked at Anne.

Harry: "Mom, I made him lose himself. I'm not good for him."

Anne started to message Harry's hands with her thumbs.

Anne: "Don't say that, dear. I bet he just needs some time to figure something out about himself. Everything will be alright."

Harry looked devastated.

Harry: "No it won't. Don't you understand? I am the reason he felt like he was losing himself. I did that. I can not be with him if he can't be himself because of me!"

Although lost his temper Anne stayed very calm and tried to build her son up.

Anne: "Harry, darling, sometimes people need to be alone to figure themselves out but they come back once they figured it out. Trust me. You and Louis will find your way back to each other, I just know it."

Instead of calming down, Harry started sobbing more and more. Anne opened her arms and signalled Harry to cuddle her.

Anne: "Come here."

Harry laid down and put his head into his mother's lap. Anne started stroking his hair and rubbing his back just like she used to do when Harry was a child. And at that moment that was all that Harry was, a child crying in its mother's lap. He was no singer, actor or anything else. He was just a child.

Harry: "I miss him so much."

Anne: "I know baby. And that's okay. You love him and because of that you miss him and trust me, he will come back and you guys will be happy together one day."

They sat there like this for quite a while. Harry crying in Anne's lap and Anne' comforting Harry. Until Harry feel asleep and Anne got up to make some dinner. At first, Harry slept peacefully but then the nightmares came back and he woke up screaming Louis name again. Thankfully Anne was right there to calm him down and support him, but Harry couldn't fall back asleep after that.

Anne: "What was the nightmare about?"

Harry stayed very focused because he didn't want to cry again but a few lonely tears rolled down his cheek while talking about it.

Harry: "It's a nightmare I have since Louis left. I fall asleep next to him but when I walked up in the morning he is gone and in his place it just a pile of sand. And then the wind comes and blows all the sand away until I am left alone with nothing but the memory of Louis."

Anne looked really worried, she had never seen her son like this not even the first time he and Louis broke up.

Anne: "I'm sorry that you feel like that. Is there anything I can do for you?"

Harry: "Unfortunately, I don't think there is."

Anne: "Well if I can't take the pain away I can at least feed you. So come on I made your favourite food."

Anne's attempted to lighten the mood by joking was sweet but didn't show much of an effect. Harry got up anyway and went to the dining room where he sat down to have dinner with his mom, just like he used to back in the days, except that there were people missing.

They ate in silence for the most part because none of them wanted to talk until Anne asked Harry something.

Anne: "You're staying for the night, right?"

Harry: "If I'm allowed to?"

Anne: "Don't be silly. You are always welcome here. You are my baby. You can stay as long as you'd like, okay?"

Harry nodded and smiled. He knew that Anne would always take care of him but to hear it felt really good. He felt loved and appreciated and not like a burden. And that's all that he needed right now.

Anne: "I have to ask you one last thing."

Harry: "And that is?"

Anne: "Have you told Gemma?"

Harry swallowed hard. He hadn't told Gemma because Gemma was close friends with Louis and his sisters and he didn't want to destroy their friendship.

Anne: "You should. YOu know that she would be heartbroken if somebody else would tell her."

Harry: "I'll call her after dinner."

They finished their meal and Harry went straight to his old room to call his sister and tell her about what happened but Gemma didn't pick up. Harry was kinda relieved. He left a short voice mail telling her that Louis wanted a break but didn't go into any details because he really didn't feel like crying again. After that, he went back downstairs, leaving his phone upstairs, to watch a movie with Anne. Harry feel asleep on the couch and stayed there the whole night.