My One And Only Poison (18+)-undergoing major editing.

44

" Good morning baby girl. " Xav said as I entered the kitchen. I had woken up without him. I didn't reply , I walked pass him.

" How was your night."I asked olivia,  completely ignoring xavier's presence. " It was ok,how was yours " She said. " It was ok , could have been better."I said sipping my coffee. " well my night was wonderful,  I got to sleep beside the woman I love."Xav said.I  rolled my eyes as he said that .The only thing he loved was his fucking self.After I finished drinking my coffee

I should call harry and ask him he is free for today, I could sneak out when Xavier leaves. I hated that I had to go behind olivia back , but I couldn't bother to explain to her and xavier where I'm going.

babygirl. " I heard Xavier say as he entered the room.I ignored him,"what the hell is your problem why do you always have to be a moody bitch. " he said , I slapped him across the face.

" Don't you fucking dare. " I said, " you are such a asshole, a fucking prick, you mother___"I was interrupted by Xavier kissing me .I struggled against his hold, I didn't want this. He always did this  when our conversation got too heated , normally I would lose myself in the kiss and forget what we are arguing about but not today, I deserve better than this.

He finally released me , "what is your problem. " Xav said holding my hand , I wanted to slap him so bad, how dare he.
" you, you are my fucking problem, what do you want from me.You have took every fucking thing from me My family, My baby,what do want from me.You say you love me then you leave me here while you go off to war, I thought we were in this together.

You know what xav you don't love me , you just love the idea of being with me , I'm not a fucking prize or trophy you win. I didn't ask for any of this I was completely fine with living a simple life , then you had to come and complicate everything. Why me , couldn't you find someone else life to ruin. You had to fuck up my life. Just leave me alone , go off to war , die for all I care. I said storming off to the bathroom. That actually felt good to get all of that off my chest , I felt like crying and punching something at the same time. I felt so angry yet I felt like apologizing to  xavier.I didn't want to be vulnerable around xavier. I knew losing the baby wasn't his fault ,but he made me want to blame him.
He was so toxic,no scratch that our was toxic our relationship was toxic.It will not end well and we both knew that .We were bad for each. Our Love  there like a drug.It was addictive, I hated him yet I loved him so much.
I knew he cared about me, I looked in the mirror, I was a mess .What the hell was I doing with my life maybe it would be better if I died,  I ,mean I not saying I want to kill myself,  I just often found myself thinking  my death.How I would be free from all my problems .
How I would be free of Xavier , I mean it's not like there is nothing really left to live for. I can't even see my family,  I don't know what they going through. Mia hasn't talked me in like forever.
Trigger warning

I mean my you are married to my husband's brother It can't be that hard.I couldn't really blame her  , I could've have tried harder too.I had so much unfinished business,  it wouldn't be fair to anyone to kill myself,  but I'm the only one living my hell, they don't know about the shit I've been through.  They can't relate.I know I should be thankful, other people have it worse   than me . But it doesn't make it better or easier for me.I sound evil now but that's how feel.
End of trigger warning

I walked out the bathroom, I let out a breath of relief thay xav wasn't there. I looked around,  what should I do.

" pack your bags." Xav said as he walked in the room. "What."I stuttered. I hope he didn't mean what I think he meant. " you are coming home with me."he said

."I.."I stuttered. " I'm not going to leave you here babygirl, I love you and you don't believe me, you were right , we are in this together. I shouldn't leave you here while I face this alone, I need you babygirl,  I can't do this alone, please I'm really sorry for how I treated you, you deserve better than me but I'm too fucking selfish to let you go. I know I'm bad for you , you are too pure for my darkness but I want to  corrupt  you , I want you to be addicted to me as I'm addicted to you. You are like my own personal drug,My personal angel to my demons. I know I should let you go, let you be free, I just fucking can't.I hate how vulnerable you ,make me.I  hate how I miss you when I'm not near you, I hate how I can't stop thinking about you everyday and every minute. But most of all I hate the fact that I have your love yet I'm not satisfied with just that ,I cant explain it ,it know I sound crazy but that's what you do to me, I don't expect you to understand. " he said. I stood there wide-eyed ,speechless. " I. .."I stuttered.

" I love you babygirl,  we are leaving soon, you should get ready. " he said walking away.

What the fuck I thought, who knew xavier had a soft side, that he could let his gaurd down.I  felt too much emotions right now, It was overwhelming, I started packing. I heard my phone ringing,I picked it up,  it was harry,  I ignored the call.

I'm not going to  lie harry is a great guy but I'm leaving today ,and I had to sort out theses feelings for xavier's, before we did whatever we are doing. I  didn't want to lead harry on I cared about him too much to do that.

I know we just met but I liked harry, he didn't need and xavier's problems in his life.I  zipped up the bag, I looked around the room , I'm not going to lie I'll  actually miss this place, it had its problem but it was nice not having xavier breathing down my neck every minute. It was fun while it lasted but it couldn't last forever. I had to go back to my life, hopefully it would be different this time.

VOTE,COMMENT AND SHARE

YOURS TRULY
MY ONE AND ONLY POISON