divorced

feeling terrible

Going to his condo, an hour later after what him and gulf accomplished to his office, mew went inside to take his jacket off, to place it to the hooks to then walk to the kitchen counter to place his keys upon. Putting his hands, palm down to it, he kept his head forward to look to the wall.
Taking a long deep breathe, he hit the counter top, to then go to the fridge to get a bottle of beer out.
Turning, he placed his body to the refrigerator door, to eye the bottle with his head hung.
Gritting his teeth, he un did the cap, to then go to his bedroom, to kneel before his closet.
Taking another long deep breathe in, he placed the bottle to the side of him, to then go into the closet to the other side, to grab a dvd, from the top of a stack of maybe 15.
Flexing his jaw, he grabbed the bottle to then go to the living room, placing the dvd inside the machine, he then went back to chug at the bottle has he sat to the edge.
Placing it down, part way, he kept his eyes glued to the screen, tears started to fall.
It was when they brought there daughters first home, mew had the video camera recording, the scene was of gulf in there daughters nursery which was now reflected of them grown up, shooting gulf, sitting in a chair, with hinta and hota to his arms, asleep. He then moved the camera closer to the twins to really get there faces.
"Mew..... If you wake these two precious babies up, I will get you. They look so.... Angelic asleep.....shhhh...." He said to the background in a whisper.
Mew chuckled behind the camera, to then move it around, he sat to the edge of the chair, to look Loving to gulf, who looked right back at him adorly.
"You..... Really are sure..... Of this my wifie....."
Gulfs eyes widen to look to the camera.
"Oh forgive your daddy girls, if you are watching this he just has cold feet, nothing more......"
Mew gritted his teeth to then place his lips to the side of his neck.
Gulf took a deep breathe to look down.
"It'll..... Be Alright...... I'm here for you hubby..... Always will be.... For you and these two..... Princesses...."
Before the tv, mew wept, watching, he then drank more of the bottle.
Placing the drink down a bit, he watched has the past mew moved his head back, to look to gulf, who turned his head, the two then smiled to kiss.
Mew took a deep breathe to stand, letting the bottle fall through his fingers, he then went to the dvd player, to rip it out of the wall, to throw it to the side.
Widening his eyes, he went to it, to pry it open.
Looking to the un damaged dvd, he kissed it to then cradle to his body has he kneeled.
Fuck!
Awhile later, cleaning everything up, he was too his bedroom, with his body to the door frame, looking over the bed, having another bottle.
I...... Have no right..... To be like this..... It really is..... All my fault...... Should have told gulf about Santi and I..... Shouldn't have ever lied to him in the first place..... Shouldn't..... Have allowed everything that came down on me.... Affect our relationship....... Shouldn't have...... Allowed..... My secretary..... Inside my house.....should have told people in the office, I was married.
Mew brought the bottle up to consume more then a sip.
Walking forward, he went to the edge, to eye where him. And that other once was.
Taking his eyes up, he looked to the side table to the picture frame that used to be there, before gulf broke it when he came a week later to gather his things, he looked to the empty side table to look at the picture that used to be there the one that saved him from really making a horrible mistake, however gulf didn't want to listen to it.
Mew gripped the bottle a bit tight.
"He..... Never wants to..... Listen...... He does not know..... The ins and outs of that day...... Not at all......"
Mew lifted his head up to consume more of the alcohol.
Lowering it, he shook it about, to then toss it behind, crawling onto the bed, he laid to his stomach, head turned to the side, to rub his hand up and down, eyeing the action.
I..... Can never..... Get rid of this bed...... Was the first we....... Got together when we...... Came to this condo...... Just because of one Almost mistake...... He wants me..... To throw it out.... I'm.... Sorry gulf....I just can't..... You and I.....made love so many..... Times on this bed.......
Mew then closed his eyes, a slight smile went to his face, has he felt something to his back has he drifted.
"Mmmm...... Gulf?"
"Who else would it be mew?"
Opening his eyes, in his dream, he looked about to then, turn.
Gulf laid to the side, head in his hand, looking to mew with a smile.
He took a deep breathe in, to turn fully to wrap his arm about, to rub his forehead to his chest.
Gulf placed his arm about to hold, to eye him.
"Gulf..... I'm so.... Very sorry..... For everything..... I'm nothing but a...... Bastard.....asshole......I.... Honestly thought you knew......I.... Also need to tell you about...."
"Shhhh.......shhhh........mew..... You need to shush..... It's okay.... I'm here my love..... Here for you.....shhhh....."
Tears started to go down mews face.
"Ah gulf...... I've...... Messed up both our lives...... With my.... Selfishness..... My fear.... My...... idiocracy....... I'm sorry.... So sorry.....I love you..... Love you so much...... You need to know that my secretary and I didn't......"
Gulf then shoved mew to get up to stand to the edge. Mew moved about to sit, looking to the side his eyes widen to see that one day that ruined his life play.
Turning his head, gulf was to the door, looking over mew and his secretary to the beds edge, his shirt ripped opened, him on top of mew, hand to his cheek, hand before his unbuttoned, unzipped pants they both looked to gulf, frozen a bit in shock and also not knowing what to do.
Gulf then looked to the other mew who sat to the bed, to raise his hand up to point.
"You..... Did this..... You cheated on me.... Then you act like you did nothing wrong! Then you tell me you and Santi never were..... What the hell is wrong with you! I hate you! Fucking go to hell mew!"
Jolting forward, mew breathed heavily, to turn his head to look over the darkened space, turning his head once more he eyed the opened door, to see nothing.
He hung his head to place his hand to his forehead.
This...... Is my fault..... All of it..... Me losing gulf..... Me losing my family......I..... Deserved that......I..... Am such a fucking..... Bastard, prick, lying, cheating.....
Fresh tears then rolled down.
Taking his knees to his chest, mew couldn't help but kept weeping, has his heart was breaking all over again. He knew he deserved all this pain, but he couldn't help but to cry over it. The only thing that kept him from ending it all, was gulf and those girls, and the fact he knew they still needed to talk.