divorced

horrible dream

Past
Has mew was to the bed, he took deep breathes trying not to just call himself but his soul, since that one day, with his secretary, the way he acted and touched him, mew for the better part of 2 months couldn't touch gulf, feeling has if he would sully him, mew at this time was very distraught and didn't know want to do.
With closed eyes, hands to his stomach, has he laid to the bed to his back, this night gulf actually went to sleep in there bed and not the couch, after 2 weeks, mew was feeling uneasy.
Should I....... Tell gulf that the seceratary placed there hand to mine? Drove me home? Touched my cheek? Should I tell gulf, I...... Sort of liked it.
Mew signed.
If I told him that, he would think I have feelings for them, it's not like that, since the girls have been born, gulf and I, for the last 6 months have not been, physical, I know that is not all what I want from my husband but......fuck we haven't even kissed for that length of time or even held hands, I know we have been busy, I know we have had to deal with his parents and mine but......I have to be honest, with that seceratary, him showing me a bit of attention..... It feels nice..... But I don't have any feelings for them, all I want is my gulf but, does he even want me anymore?
Turning his head to the side, mew gritted his teeth.
I..... Love those girls but..... With everything that has happened I believe we should have waited. I really want to tell gulf how I feel with this but he......will just tell me I'm a horrible father for thinking such things..... And maybe I am..... But.....I can't......ugh......I just miss what me and gulf used to have.....
Feeling the bed shake a bit, gulf turned to eye mew, he seemed to be tensing and un tensing his body. Raising an eye brow, gulf hopped on, to take mews hands from his stomach to then place them too either side of his head.
Mew jolted his eyes opened, to turn his head to look up, with wide eyes.
Gulf looked down to smile and wide. He then started to grind.
Mew couldn't help but moan. It had been so long since he felt the weight of his lover, so long since they were doing something so intimate with him.
Moving his hands from his wrists, gulf placed his hands into mews to intertwine there fingers.
Mew lifted his head to moan a bit, the dry humping was getting him very excited.
"Ah gulf......mmm......"
Mew closed his eyes to lift his head back enjoying himself, he couldn't help it.
Gulf then stopped, to cock his head.
Mew furrowed his eye brows a bit confused.
Why did he stop?
"Who is...... Gulf sir?"
Freezing, that was his secretarys voice. Slowly opening his eyes and leaning his head down, mew saw him instead of gulf, mew widen his eyes, to look up at them in horror.
"What the hell!?"
They smiled, to start grinding.
"Mm, just trying to please my Superior... Relax...... I'm here..... I'll do anything for you."
Mew then started to thrash about.
"No! I don't want you! Where is my gulf! Hey get off of me! Gulf! Gulf!"
Opening his eyes slowly, gulf who was besides mew, back to him, turned to eye, leaning up, he furrowed his eye brows, to look upon mew, asleep, he kept moving about, breathing heavily.
"Nnn...... No.....mmm.... No..... Gulf? Gulf?" He muttered.
Gulf cocked his head to the side a bit confused.
Mew? What are you..... Dreaming about?"
Taking a deep breathe, gulf went to mew to lay his head to his chest, to wrap an arm around, hugging him for a moment, he moved his hand up, to place two fingers between his brow to try and calm him.
His breathing started to slow, the nightmare started to fade, waking up, mew looked about, to then peer his eyes down to gulf looking up tiredly, he then took his hand down to wrap his arm about his body, then placed his head turned to his chest.
"Are you..... Okay now?"
Mew took his one hand to pinch himself, then raised it to his forehead.
A dream? No..... That was a god damn nightmare. But, what could it mean? Am I..... Losing feelings for gulf? Am I growing some for....
Mew took deep breathes trying to analyze the situation.
Gulf closed his eyes, he was very tired.
Taking his hand down, he felt confused and terrible.
Peering his eyes down once more, he felt sick, taking a hand to Gulfs arm, he moved it, to then get up to sit to the edge, head hung.
Gulf leaned up, to look over mews back.
"Mew? What is it?"
He took a deep breathe in.
"I..... Just need some water....."
Gulf nodded to then get up, mew turned his head to sign, watching him go.
Gulf..... You didn't need to get it....
Placing his head to his hands mew was in torment.
This..... You...... Gulf does not deserve this...... He is too good a person....
Coming back, gulf stood before mew, to hold the cup out, looking to him exhausted.
"Mew...... Here."
Mew took a deep breathe to then let his hands fall to then grab the drink, he kept his head hung.
Gulf looked him over.
"Mew..... You can tell me..... What is going on? Were you having trouble sleeping? Did you have a nightmare? Please tell me."
Mew gritted his teeth.
"Doesn't..... Matter...."
Gulf signed.
"Fine. Okay...... Whatever mew...... I'm too tired for this..... "
Turning he tried to get into bed till mews voice stopped him, it made him freeze.
"Gulf...... Maybe..... You should.... Sleep on the couch."
Gulfs lips parted, he then got up, to eye mew, he breathed heavily.
"Mew? Why would you......"
Mew turned his head.
"Gulf please..... Just go!"
Gulf jumped a bit back, he hung his head, tears welled up.
"Mew...... Are you...... Sleeping with the secretary? Is that why you don't....."
Mew then stood up, to stand right in front of gulf, he breathed heavily in anger eyeing gulf. He kept his head hung.
"God damnit I'm not...... Why are you even......"
Mew turned to eye the wall.
"Gulf.......I am not sleeping with him and apparently not with anyone since you won't even...... Damn it...... Get out gulf!"
Gulf flexed his jaw to then turn to leave slamming the door behind him.
Mew placed the cup next to there frame, to sit to the edge, to cup his hands together before his mouth, eyes peered to the side, he looked to there picture.
Gulf.....I am so sorry.....I just..... After having that dream.....I don't want to touch you or have you touch me..... I'm sorry..... So sorry......I also don't know what that dream meant....... I'm not sleeping with that seceratary but...... From what I just dreamt about...... Maybe I...... Do.....
Mew flopped to his back, to place his hand to his eyes to weep, the only person he had every had eyes for and wanted was gulf so he didn't understand that dream.
Present
Mew came home, to an empty house, after a long day, to flop to the bed not knowing he fell asleep.
Turning from his stomach to his back he looked to the ceiling forgetting he had that dream, back then he didn't know what it meant but now he did.
Signing, he got up to go to the edge to sit, he turned his head eyeing the bathroom thinking of taking a few depression medications.
Gulping, he retrieved his phone from his pocket too phone gulf.
He needed him and bad, even though he had no right to ask, but they couldn't stop him from calling and seeing, he needed his gulf., Even if he didn't need him anymore. Mew was still very much in love with his ex, even if his ex didn't care for him any longer, mew knew he deserved that, after everything he put him through, but still, mew needed him, needed gulf to his core.