divorced

feeling lonely

Present
Gulf took a deep breathe in, to then go to his back, opening his eyes, he turned his watch alarm off, to then close his eyes, to turn to his side to place his arm out, furrowing his eye brows has he patted the empty space.
Leaning up, gulf looked about a bit confused.
"Mew?"
Turning his head has he was leaned up, he looked about and saw nothing, heard nothing. Turning about, he sat, to keep looking.
"Mew?"
Getting up, he sat to the edge, to grit his teeth. All his clothes were gone.
Peering his eyes up, the only thing that was too the room was that bouquet to the chair and his clothes about the floor.
Gulf signed.
Getting up, he went to the chair to grab those flowers to look them over, placing them under his nose he sniffed to sign.
Closing his eyes, tears then fell, this reminded him of the past.
Past 2 months before he caught mew.
Folding the blankets, since that one night mew came home a bit tipsy, reeking of alcohol, gulf slept to the couch on and off, he didn't know which was worse, the cold hard couch or sleeping next to a man he loved the most in this world who sleep with his back to him when he was in there, so this was his routine, when gulf couldn't stand the lonely feeling he was able to catch a few z's on the couch, before he made breakfest, tended to the kids, then had to have his mother come in to watch the girls has he left for work, contemplating what mew told him that one day was true or not, gulf wasent so sure.
To the kitchen counter, he made breakfest, has the two girls where to there high chairs looking at the other and giggling.
Gulf then looked up to see mew come out, fully dressed, head hung, to go to the kitchen to kiss each girl on the head, to then move the other way, without going anywhere near gulf.
He lowered the mixing bowl, to keep his eyes to mew, has he placed his shoes and jacket on without saying a word. Since that one night, this is what gulf had to keep witnessing.
Chocking up a bit, he looked down to keep mixing.
"Mew?"
Mew gritted his teeth to hold onto the handle about to leave, eyeing.
"I...... Love you." Gulf gulped, even though they were very distant, he made sure he said that everyday, it hurt mews heart.
He took a deep breathe in to then leave.
Gulf let go of the whisk, to place his hands palms flat to the counter, to eye the bowl.
Taking a deep breathe, he turned his head, so the girls wouldn't see him cry.
To the elevator, mew had a hand to his eyes, tears were falling.
After that one day, he felt like a piece of shit, he made sure to keep it very professional with his secretary, kept a distance, but what he allowed, letting another touch him in such a way made him feel like he just couldn't touch his husband. Mew did not want to taint him. It just hurt him all the more.
Taking his hand down, the elevators doors opened, he wiped the tears, he knew he didn't deserve to shed, to take a deep breath in, to turn his head to eye.
"I..... Love you too..... I'm.... So sorry......"
Taking in a shaky breathe he went in to then leave.
Gulf sitting to the kitchen table, swirled his food about, looking forward dazed, with his head in his hand. The girls were to there high chairs, smooshing the food between there fingers.
Gulf took deep breathes, then a long one, he then got up to go to the door.
Opening he looked upon his mother, who he barely spoke to, to open the door wider. She nodded to go in, taking off her shoes and jacket, she went to the girls without looking to gulf.
He closed the door to then go into there bedroom to dress.
Looking himself over in the mirror, he felt so alone.
Taking a deep breathe, he turned to stop to there bedroom, to eye there bed, then the picture to the table, it was of them, and they were holding there twins. Looking it over, gulf felt it was a bit fake, has he looked over there smiles.
Gulping, he placed his hand to the infinity bracelet to move about.
He..... Loves you gulf..... To infinity......
Tears started to go down once more.
Taking a deep breathe, he wiped them away, to then go back out, he went to the kitchen table to stand next to it, his mother was to her side, feeding the girls.
"I should be home by my normal time, 6. Is that okay?"
She kept her head turned to nod.
"That will be fine."
Gulf kept his head hung to peer his eyes down, he brought a hand up to grip the back of the chair.
"Um...... Can I ask..... Do you..... And.... Um.... Still love each other?"
Her eyes widen to turn her head to eye Gulfs semi rigid posture.
"It..... Is trying sometimes but..... Yes we do..... Are you....falling out of love with mew? With being with a man?"
She sounded hopeful.
Gulf signed to roll his eyes to turn.
"No...... I'm not! Just was curious!"
Gulf then went to get his shoes and jacket on, to then leave.
She signed to roll her eyes.
To his office, gulf sat with his hand to his chin, to have his hand up, playing with his lap shade.
Maybe..... Why mew is being so distant is because he fell out of love with me..... Maybe..... That one day..... When he came home smelling of alcohol...... Him and that secretary..... Could have....
Gulf leaned back to place his hand over his heart, it felt like it was going to explode from his chest cavity. Taking a few deep breathes, be calmed himself, when he went to the doctor for his check up, has he explained these to them, they said it was anxiety and they could prescribe something but gulf was a bit hesitate to it.
Leaning back, he looked forward to take very long breathes. He didn't know what was going on, but he felt he was losing his man.
Taking his phone out, he texted mew, he also helped his anxiety.
Gulf: mew, I was wondering, since today is Friday, after work, could we, go on a date night you talk about? Still haven't.
Mew: sorry but no.
Gulf eyes welled up, this text felt so impersonal.
Gulf: um, okay. Could you tell me why?"
Gulf brought his thumb up to bit at the nail.
Mew: I'm going to be late. Working.
Gulf took a deep breathe in.
Gulf: oh, okay. Work hard. I love you.
Mew: I will. Be safe going home.
Gulf kept his eyes to the phone, then looked to the clock, 20 minutes passed and he never got an "I love you" back.
Gulf gulped to place his phone back to his pocket too sign.
Maybe he really has, fallen out of love with me, maybe, him and that secretary are......
Gulf closed his eyes to wrap his arms about has he shook. This situation had him so very confused and feeling that he was totally alone in his marriage.
Closing his eyes, he took deep breathes in trying to calm himself.
Present
Gulf was to the middle of the room, dressed, doing the same, he hung his head, wrapped his arms around to take deep breathes has he thought of the past.
Opening them slowly, gulf turned to grab the bouquet, eyeing the flowers, he then dropped them to stomp thinking of the worst year of his life.
You..... Are such an asshole mew! With everything you have done, I can't believe I have been.....ugh...... This is going to stop......I will never ever open my legs for that son of a bitch again!
Turning, he opened the door to widen his eyes.
Mew was there, hand to the side, swaying a bit, he smelled of alcohol. Gulf looked him over.
"Gulf...... Take me...... Use me..... Please....."
Gulfs lips parted has he saw tears coming down mews face, reaching forward, he wrapped his hand around his tie to pull him in, to close the door, to place his lips to his, placing his hand down, mew made him jump up, where he wrapped his legs about, mew then took them back to bed, seeing what he did, gulf could not turn him away, not when he was becoming self destructive, gulf for better or worse still loved this man and he felt very stupid for still feeling that way, but he could not help it, nor in his heart did he think he wanted to let that go.