Blue ; Timothée Chalamet

10.

"What the fuck was that last night?" Blue hissed as I took a seat on my balcony. 

I stayed silent, letting him get his anger out before I interrupted. I crossed my arms tightly around my body. 

"Frankie, fucking speak." 

Blue was now standing in front of me. No way to avoid him now. He knelt between my legs. His curls were lying in his face. His eyes full of anger but also concern. 

Why did he look so handsome to me right now? It's fucking Blue, Frankie. 

I cleared my throat and rubbed my lips together. I sighed before burying my face in my hands. 

"Blue.." I trailed off.

"Frankie, I can't stand here for another second without you telling me what the fuck happened last night." He took a big breath and stood up before starting again. "Why did I find you in central park passed the fuck out? Do you know how lucky you are that something didn't happen to you? Homeless people hang there, for fucks sake. Creepy fucking men walk threw there at night." 

"I know, Blue." I cut him short.

"I'm going to ask you one question, and you better fucking be honest with me, so help me, god." He clenched his fists.

I nodded, looking up at him. I knew what was coming, and I couldn't lie. He can see right through my lies.

"Were you fucking high last night? And no, I don't mean coke or weed; I mean fucking pills." 

"Yes," I whispered back.

Blue said nothing. He stared out at the other buildings and up to the sky. He took a huge deep breath and glanced at me. "Where'd ya get em'?" 

"I hit someone up for them." I lied through my teeth.

"Baxter?" Blue fixed his attention on me.

"No, no, absolutely not." I shook my head, telling the truth. 

I could tell Blue was disappointed. This was not the first time he found me high off fucking opioids. I was frustrated with myself, as well. I was doing so good; I just couldn't stand to be around my parents. Pills are the only thing that helps those uncomfortable times. 

We sat there for what seemed to be an eternity. No one said anything. Blue reached his hand towards me and held mine. He didn't look at me, nor did he say a word. We just sat there with our hands in each other. 

"I'm sorry." I finally spoke.

"Don't keep apologizing if you don't mean it, F." Blue shook his head.

He was right. He is always right. 

I felt weird towards Blue right now. He's always so protective of me, and this isn't the only time he's gotten this angry due to me being irresponsible. I felt weird, like how you feel when someone tells you they have a crush on you. Only Blue didn't know that I knew his secret. 

I always found Blue attractive but never sexually. Why was my attraction for him just starting now? My mind is so confused. I always loved him being protective over me but right now was different—a perplexed state pooling over me. 

Have I always had repressed feelings for Blue? Or do I love the thought of him loving me?