Blue ; Timothée Chalamet

4.

I stared at myself in the mirror. Dark circles casting under my eyes. I was disgusted with myself. Why did I try and kiss Jackson? He denied me so quickly. I sighed at my reflection in the mirror.

"I'm so lonely." 

I sat on the chair outside my balcony and lit a cigarette. I grabbed my phone and scrolled over the one number I dreaded to call—my mom. I hit dial and let it ring. I already set myself up with the disappointment that she wouldn't answer. 

No surprise. I was right.

I rang my dad instead. Immediately going to voicemail. I tried again, and it started ringing. 

Nice to know my own father has me on do not disturb.

"Hey, kiddo!" He answered cheerfully.

"Hey, Dad, how's everything going? I tried to sound interested.

"Oh great, hun, just great," He answers someone in the background. 

"Where are you? Wheres, mom?" I question.

"We're in Vegas, baby. I told you this." 

"No, no, you didn't." I cross my legs and take a drag of my cigarette.

"Well, you must've not been listening, F." He sounds annoyed.

"Yeah, right, where's mom?" I ask again.

"She's somewhere in the pool area; give her a ring, will you? You never call." 

"Okay, it would be nice if I got a call from you guys every-" 

My Dad interrupts me, "Hey, I have to go, call me soon." the phone line goes dead.

I place my phone next to me and finish my cigarette.

I'm so fucking lonely. 

Later that night, I headed to Blue's place where he and some of his friends were hanging out. I invited Savannah to come, but she was getting ready for a date with Lucas and said they might swing by later. I hadn't told her about me trying to kiss Jackson.

I decided to walk to Blue's since it was nice out, and I needed to clear my head. People flooding the streets as everyone headed home from work. Taxis honking and people performing on the street corners. The smell of hot dogs from the food vendors filled my nose. I decided to stop and grab something to put in my stomach.

"One chicken wrap with ranch and water, please." I dug through my purse for some cash.

The man taking my order nodded and smiled. "$5.86, please."

I smiled softly and handed him a ten telling him to keep the change. He thanked me and handed me my food. I grabbed some extra napkins and headed on my way. I took a few bites and continued to observe around me.

I loved fall in New York. The city was busier than usual, with people coming into town to see their loved ones. Stores setting up for the holidays and couples everywhere. Some people I looked at looked just as miserable as me. I envied the ones who didn't.

I finished my wrap and threw away my trash at the next trash bin I found. I turned right off the main street and onto Blue's. I couldn't stop thinking about if Jackson was there or not. I was so embarrassed with myself. I really hope he didn't tell anyone.

I open the waiting area door to Blue's apartment. I ring the bell waiting for a response. His face pops up on the screen, and he moved his curls out of his eyes. 

"You need a haircut." I tease.

He laughs, "Good to see you too, F." 

The door buzzes open, and he disappears off the screen. I head into the elevator, click his floor and watch the doors close. The silence is loud. I was so nervous to see Jackson. To see the look on everyone's face because everyone must know, right?