Blue ; Timothée Chalamet

15.

I stood on my balcony, chain-smoking cigarettes. My nails tapped on the railing as I watched cars honk and speed down the road. I took a long drag and exhaled slowly. Blue was on his way over, and I wasn't sure why I was so nervous. Blue and I are just friends; that's all we'll ever be is friends. I hope that the other night didn't ruin that. 

"Hey," Blue appeared in the doorway of the balcony.

I jumped, not realizing he was here. I turned my head and smiled at him, hoping he didn't catch me too into thought.

Blue laughed a little at him scaring me. "Did not mean to startle you." He took a seat.

I stood at my same spot on the balcony; neither of us spoke for a while. Blue reached for my cigarettes and lit one for himself. 

"Did I do something wrong?" Blue finally spoke while exhaling his smoke. "You know the other night? I was kinda surprised to wake up and find you gone." 

I did not want to have this conversation right now or ever, for that matter.

I shook my head. "No." I turned around, so I was facing him. 

Blue stared out into the buildings across from us, nodding his head to my response. 

"I just wanted to shower and sleep in my bed." I ashed out my cigarette.

"I'm sorry if the other night was uncomfortable for you." Blue looked up at me.

"No, it wasn't. I just-" I trailed off, not wanting to say what was on my mind. "I don't think that should ever happen again" I laughed a little to lighten up the situation.

"Yeah, I get that." Blue flicked his cigarette off the balcony.

The silence grew loud. None of us spoke once again. Blue sighed and stood up next to me. 

"Actually, no, I'm sorry, but why can't that happen again?" He set his elbows on the railing. 

"It just can't, Blue, were friends; nothing more." Our eyes locked.

"Yeah, but friends do that stuff all the time, and if I enjoyed it and you enjoyed it, what's the issue?" He furrowed his eyebrows at me.

"I think it's more complicated than that." I bit the inside of my cheek.

"What do you mean?" Blue replied.

I inhaled deeply, wishing I could tap my feet and disappear from this conversation. "You know what I mean."

Blue kept looking at me, his eyes searching for a more in-depth answer. 

"Uh- Savannah told me something a couple of weeks back." I looked away from him. 

"Told you what." He spat.

"I really don't want to do this, Blue." I put my face in my hands. 

"What did she tell you?" He pushed my hands off my face making me look at him.

We looked at each other for a while. Blue's face grew angrier by the minute. I knew he was aware of what I was about to say. He was preparing himself for the worst. 

"She told me that you have feelings for me," I whispered, turning my head away.

Blue said nothing; he didn't even flinch. 

We stood in silence for a couple more minutes. I felt too awkward to speak.

"Okay, and what about that?" Blue said, sitting back in his seat from earlier. 

"I just think it would be smart to end anything before it goes any further due to these... feelings." I sat down in the chair next to him.

"Why would she tell you that," Blue whispered, almost like he was talking to himself. 

"I don't know it was after everything happened with Jack-" 

"Stop." Blue cut me off. "Don't finish that sentence." He looked at me, his eyes piercing. 

I looked down at my hands. Savannah was going to kill me. 

"What do you even see in Jackson?" He spat.

"Blue, I don't want to have this conversation." My voice grew stern.

"He knew you were off-limits; that whole situation is fucked." Blue shook his leg in his seat.

I said nothing. I wasn't going to apologize for an agreement that I never knew about. 

"Say something, Frankie," Blue said sharply. 

"I have nothing to say about what happened." I reached for another cigarette.

Blue smacked my hand away. "We're having a conversation." 

I regretted ever bringing Jackson into this conversation. Blue was steering away from what Savannah said and putting all his rage into what happened with Jackson. I could tell he was embarrassed about me knowing and not reciprocating my feelings. 

"Don't be rude, Blue." I shot.

He laughed rudely, standing up from his seat. He paced for a second then looked at me. "You don't feel anything towards me at all?" 

Oh, fuck, what the fuck come on.

"Blue, let's not-" 

"Yes or no." He cut me off again.

I stood up and shook my head. This whole conversation was getting a little too uncomfortable for me. 

"Yes or no," Blue asked again.

"No, Blue." I shot back. I sighed.

Blue fixed his stance, and the anger in his eyes dissipated into sadness. We both looked at each other for a while. Another couple of minutes passed of silence. Blue ran his hands through his hair and looked out in the distance. 

"Well, now that the cats out of the bag." He sucked air through his teeth. "She knows everyone!" Blue yelled off the balcony, throwing his hands up. 

My eyes grew large. 

"She knows New York! Look how stupid I look now!" He yelled again.

I slowly stood up, watching him.

Blue turned and faced me. "Seriously, F, how the fuck did you not see it?" He walked inside and towards the front door.

"Blue, wait, please." I walked after him. "Blue." 

"Leave me alone, F." Blue opened the door harshly and walked down the hall.

I chased after him and grabbed his arm. "Blue, please, I don't want to lose you as a friend." 

Blue stopped; his back was turned towards me. "You're not losing me as a friend; I just need some space from you right now. I feel like a fucking idiot." He yanked his arm from me. Blue walked towards the doors for the stairs and pushed them open. He was leaving me alone to my thoughts.

I didn't dare go after him. Blue never said he needed space from me before, and I wanted to respect his wishes. I stood alone in the hall for a second until someone came out of their apartment, startling me. I went back inside to grab my jacket, shoes, and keys. I needed to talk to Savannah.

I opened my lobby doors to the streets filled with busy New Yorkers heading to their destinations. I walked quickly towards Savannah's apartment. My head down the whole time. I almost crossed the street with cars zooming down until a stranger put his arm out in front of me. I nodded to him and waited until it was safe for us to walk. 

I was almost at Savannah's until someone yelling my name caught my attention. I turn my head towards the street to see a black Rolls Royce parked next to me. I stopped in my tracks.

"Frankie!" The person inside the car waved their hand out. "Hey, beautiful, I knew that was you." 

I walked towards the car, slightly waving. "Hey Baxter, long time no see."