DRAG - [h.s. au]

19

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don't ask questions

you don't wanna know

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BENTLEY

"Motherfucker. Who the hell does he think he is? Rolling his eyes at me! Talking to me like that! What the fuck?"

"Benny, you really need to calm down." Zayn tells me from the backseat and I slam the breaks, sending his face right into my headrest. "Fuck! Ow!"

"Don't tell me to calm down." I grit, and Rumer points out the fact that I had braked in the middle of traffic, so that I had to move.

"Harry's going through shit too, don't forget he is still under Luna's control, B." Rumer says.

"Why can't we just assassinate the bitch?" I snap, turning into the airport.

"Do you know any assassins?" Zayn says.

"No."

"Do you want to start a war against an entire gang?" Rumer adds.

"Well, no-"

"Then we can't assassinate her." Rumer deadpans. "You're smarter than this Benny, why is he getting on your nerves so easily?"

Good question! Maybe it's the fact that I had never been disrespected by someone I didn't want to hate me. I was the only girl in the racing scene that did what the guys did, I had dealt with my fair share of rude assholes but I didn't care what they thought of me.

For some reason, I cared about what Harry thought.

I hated myself for it.

"We're supposed to be on the same team, that's why."

I had been on edge ever since this morning. Rumer and Zayn were leaving after being here for so long and all they had was a one way ticket to Morocco. There was no telling when they'd come back and I'd miss them a lot. This left me with Dorian, Apollo and Allegra, and I couldn't really talk about everything with them.

Dorian and Apollo were Kings.... They couldn't know I was trying to disable Luna, and Allie is my sister, and she already hated Luna. She'd definitely try and get involved and I couldn't afford her getting caught in the crossfire.

This meant that Harry was all I had. I didn't need him, but I needed someone. It took everything in me not to ask Rumer and Z to stay because I know they would stay if I had asked, and I couldn't have them put their life on hold because I couldn't hold myself together.

I had always been independent, but there was so much pressure lately. Luna was more of a threat than ever. I knew I was a threat to her but the first thing about threats is eliminating them... and she couldn't get rid of me just like I couldn't get rid of her. Right?

I was easily overwhelmed, and that was my fatal flaw. It'd trigger episodes and that's why it was important that I talked to people. I might have been forceful when it came to talking to Harry about being transparent with me about Luna, but talking was the only thing I knew how to do.

Harry and I weren't really good at that, apparently. I said it last night and I guess I was right. He doesn't like talking unless we're fucking or fighting, and I wasn't going to stop fucking him. I liked it too much.

I had gone to therapy after my parents died and that's when I received the depression diagnosis. My own therapist told me that my coping mechanism wasn't healthy. I looked for distractions in everything to avoid my problems and well, that was never good. I'd bury myself in work, sex... alcohol.