DRAG - [h.s. au]

72

******************

Pick yourself up

You don't look so good

******************

BENTLEY

NEW YEAR'S DAY - JANUARY 1, 2021

It has been a week since I gave Harry my warning that the next race would be in Japan.

Tokyo, specifically, but I have hope that he'll figure out that Kyoto wasn't for racing.

Kyoto is for flowers. Kyoto is for love. Kyoto is ours.

I have been in and out of episodes lately as I remained in Victor's possession. My consciousness never failed but my ability to deal with everything was a massive train wreck.

I was a fucking wreck.

Victor stopped having them get physical with me a few days ago when I couldn't practice racing because my eye was swollen shut. I had a cracked rib or two, and I should probably have a brace around my wrist to prevent it from getting even worse, but for the most part, I was physically fine.

Victor realized that immobilizing me wouldn't benefit him, but he needed to get me weak enough to manipulate me in his favor.

He succeeded seeing as I was on my second pack of cigarettes of the day and I didn't even want to think about all the diet Coke's I'd consumed so far.

Psychological torture was always worse.

I cried like I did when Rumer died when he started the forced relapse. I tried to detach, but my body betrayed me.

I could try and lie as much as I wanted to about how I hated it, but all those emotions came from guilt.

I loved the cigarettes between my fingers and the smoke burning my lungs slowly, and the fact I liked it killed me. It was back to old habits with new regrets, and I've been on the brink ever since.

I woke up back in my "normal" headspace. I had a massive migraine and I could feel that the swelling in my lip had gone down significantly.

The racing schedule was back on. The Tokyo race would take place a week from today, and I knew that Victor couldn't bar Tokyo Dragons from racing, especially not on their own territory.

I was being patient because I knew Harry would figure out something to do, and I could only hope that he'd make sure that everyone else was safe.

I didn't want them coming into this. I'd never forgive myself if something were to happen to them, and I know Harry wouldn't either.

Oh, it's also safe to say I hate the holidays now.

I really don't seem to catch a fucking break. Thanksgiving was ruined, and then I missed Christmas, and now it's the first day of the new year and I'm tied to a chair.

I wondered how Harry spent Christmas, or last night, but I didn't let my thoughts trail too far..

I missed my family but I tried not to think about them. Every time I thought about Harry screaming my name and the panic on Allie's face after we looked at each other when she fired the gun, my whole body would tense and I'd shut down.

I needed to remain in the right place because if I lost it during another practice... I don't even want to think about it.

Victor was vicious. Dangling my medical records over me and threatening to show them to Dorian and Allegra and the rest of them.