The Deeper you Dig, The Darker it Gets

41.

Malory's POV

     The come down is worse than people say. Or maybe it's because I feel awful regularly, so the added boost of depression doesn't help. After a long night of constant highs, it has now hit the time where we all start to question what the point of being alive actually is.

                  "Here." Blaise says while handing me a glass of water.

      I grab the cup from him as he rests against the railing next to me. He doesn't realize but there's still a smile on his face, it's been there for hours.

                  "I assume it went well." I chuckle.

      It takes him a moment to get back to reality but when he does, he nudges my side playfully.

                   "Yeah, it did. Thank you." He smiles.

         I take a few sips from my cup then ask, "For what?"

                          "You know, the luck."

         I let out a heavy sigh while pulling out a small vile from my bag. Blaise's eyes grow big as I dangle it in front of his face.

                  "What's that?" He asks.

               "It's my Liquid Luck." I laugh.

     He struggles to speak. "T-Then what the fuck did you give me?!"

                   "It was just water with a hint of licorice" I reply.

      Blaise stares at me blankly, trying to think of something to say. This makes me laugh more.

        "What?" I scoff. "Did you actually think I'd waste my Liquid Luck on you? You're not that special, Z."

                       "You are something else." He mutters.

          I light a cigarette and inhale. "You didn't need it."

       He can't argue with me so he just rolls his eyes. Blaise has convinced himself since we were younger that he isn't good enough, probably because that's how his mom treats him. Well, that and I know being around Draco all of the time doesn't help. Draco isn't confident though, he just pretends to be. We all do, and that's what Blaise doesn't realize.

                  "Yeah well then I guess it was the Molly." He mumbles.

       I give him an irritated look but all he does in return is take the cigarette from me.

               Blaise blows the smoke out and asks, "So how was your night?"

       My night was extremely eventful, but no one knows that.

         "You know, the usual." I yawn. "Except this time everyone was dressed up in slutty costumes covered in blood."

              "Speaking of that, what even is your costume?" He laughs.

          I look at him, completely shocked. "Wednesday Addams?"

                 He continues to stare at me blankly.

             "You're fucking joking, right? The Addams Family?"

          "I thought you were just a skanky vampire," Blaise scoffs. "But for a while I didn't even think you dressed up."

                            "Yeah okay mister Vincent Vega." I hiss.

       He raises his hands in defense, leaving the cigarette dangling from his lips. I quickly grab it before he can try and smoke the rest.

                                "Blaise?!"

          The two of us turn to the entrance of the tower and see Aary rushing up happily. I can tell she wasn't expecting to see me up here but instantly she gives me a smile.

        "Draco's looking for you, by the way." She says while going up to give Blaise a hug.

                         I raise an eyebrow. "Really? Why?"

              She shrugs. "I think something to do with your dad."

       Instantly, I feel an anxious feeling grow in my gut but I just nod. I tell Aary to have Draco come up to the astronomy tower and she does, then her and Blaise run off together.

        It doesn't take long for him to show. Right as I pull out another cigarette from a carton, I hear footsteps coming up the stairs.

        "I don't think I've ever seen Blaise that happy before." Draco says while walking up to me.

              I stay facing the night sky. "Aary said you wanted to talk about my dad?"

        "What?" He laughs. "Oh, I just told her that. I really just wanted to see how you are."

       I can feel his focus on me as he leans against the railing but I can't seem to look his way just yet. Remember when I said the come down is worse than people say? Every time I think it's hit the peak, I'm wrong.

                       "I'm fine, how about yourself?"

        Draco slowly moves closer to me. "You sure you're alright?"

                   No, I'm not sure.

        "Yes, just trying to get past this low after such a nice high." I sigh while moving my hair out of my face.

          The wind continues to push it into my eyes and mouth but Draco notices and pulls my hair behind my head.

                 "That's my fault," He chuckles. "It was braids, yeah?"

        I don't expect him to actually tie my hair back the proper way but I still enjoy the feeling.

              "So, why don't you tell me what's on your mind." He continues.

        There's a lot of things that stay in my head constantly. Not even concise thoughts, they're just always floating around in a way that's unavoidable. And normally I'd never say them out loud for the sake of keeping myself together or so I didn't make others worry.

       "When I first saw my dad again I was terrified," I explain. "I knew that he had been planning awful things and everyone hated him and he was going to destroy my life."

     Draco finishes tying my hair into two braids, then joins back at the railing while listening.

                 "But there was also a small part of me that was happy to see him."

          I expect to see confusion in Draco's eyes when I turn towards him but instead I get a feeling that he understands.

         "I think that's why this keeps happening," I say while lifting up my sleeve and staring down at my left arm.

         "I know he's bad, I hate him. But if I continue to hurt myself in ways that are worse than what he does to me, I can't hate him as much."

      Draco gives me a serious expression. "What happens the day that he does something worse than that?"

        I don't even have to answer for him to know, he sees it in the water under my eyes.