The Deeper you Dig, The Darker it Gets

Love, Draco

Mal,

                                    You never told me which one was your favorite.

       Every morning while getting ready for work, I feel butterflies in my stomach. Watching my parents for years made me think that getting a job would be the absolute worst thing a person could look forward to. Waking up early, having someone boss you around. How anyone could be excited for that, I'm not sure. But every morning, I can't make it out the door faster. It's almost as if for a split second my mind is convinced that I'm running through the halls of school again, trying to make it to the astronomy tower in time. I'm attempting to button my shirt up properly, wrapping my tie around my neck.

    And then I get to the top, and I see you. It's only for a moment, long enough to where I'm able to see your side profile. You're looking up at the stars, focusing on a specific one. The first few times I saw that glimpse of you I asked out loud, "Which one are you staring at?"  You never answered and slowly the image faded. I stopped asking. Hoping for a response each day only crushed my soul more. You still show up, and every morning I hurry out my front door to see you.

      Something in me says that one day, you'll reply. I won't even have to ask either. You will simply nod your head, signaling for me to join at your side. When I approach the railing, you won't vanish. And when I struggle to take my eyes off of you, you'll grab my chin with your fingertips and gently point my face up towards the sky. "That one,"  You'll whisper.

     That's why I get butterflies before arriving at work. That's the one answer I still search for. I accepted your death. I didn't want to but I did because I knew you'd want me to. But you never told me which one was your favorite, Mal. I know to you that isn't a big deal but I asked you over and over, waiting patiently to find out. You're gone now and I'm still wanting to know. Please tell me. Please come back for a second longer.

                       ~                ~              ~

July, 1993

                      "I don't know," She giggles. "They all look the same."

       I scrunch my eyebrows at her, aggravated. She raises her hands in defense and I take that as an opportunity to steal her taffy.

                              "They don't look the same, they're just related."

         Her head nods slowly and I can't help but nudge her arm. After chewing, I raise my hand and point to a star in the sky.

                                  I lean close to her. "See that one? He's the biggest, probably like their ruler or something. I like him."

        Her lips press together while she tries to avoid laughing. I let out a heavy sigh, "Your turn."

         Her eyes travel back up to the stars, and I watch as she begins focusing on each. Suddenly, she stops on one. I squint my eyes to try and guess which she's looking at but it's impossible.

                                                  "Mal?"

              She doesn't respond but I'm not worried. I know someday she'll decide on her favorite and then tell me. I'm quite an impatient person but I'm willing to wait. Only because it's her, though. I'll wait for her.