Chapter 5

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Someone takes a seat next to me causing my mind to clear from the past and return to the present. I glance around the room needing to re center myself in the presences and leave the past in the past. Especially Adam. I haven't thought about him in years and can't understand why now of all days he would be popping in my head. 

He had reached out to me once more after my conversation with Lucan. The phone call had not gone well. I don't remember much of it now because I've tried to forget all the parts of my life that involved him. The only bits and pieces I remember was him demanding I leave Steel Wolf and work for him. Also how he would continue to make my life a living hell if I did not do as he was directing me to do. When I had gotten off the phone with him I debated on if I should call Lucan or not. At the time I was doubting calling him, but looking back now I'm glad I did.

When I had called Lucan and told him about Adam's phone call he was beyond pissed. He went on a rant about how dare Adam threaten me and why the fuck would I want to work for him after that. Lucan had ended the phone call and told me he would call me right back. 

I had sat on my couch anxiously awaiting his phone call and since I was lost in my head time had no meaning while I waited. To this day I don't know how long I waited to hear back from Lucan. Could have been minutes or hours. All I know when Lucan finally called me back he promised Adam would no longer be a problem. I don't know what Lucan said to me and nor have I ever asked him, but his promise held true. I never heard from Adam after that. Lucan also made me promise not to leave Steel Wolf, hence one of the reasons I'm still with them even though I've threatened to quit more than once over the years.  

For me a promise is a binding contract and one never goes back on a promise, at least with other people. The promises I make to myself are a whole other story. I wouldn't be able to keep one if my life depended on it. Ryder case in point. I made a promise to myself to never not only get involved with a client, but a musician and Ryder fills both those shoes yet I got involved with him. Funny part I don't regret getting involved with him. No instead I regret walking away from him. That was the only time I thought about truly breaking my promise to Lucan because I didn't think I was emotionally strong enough to still work with Ryder. 

Once again my mind wanders away from the present to right before we had left for the tour we had just finished.

I woke up to a finger grazing my clit and then entering my folds. He inserted a second and I knew I was lost. The promise I had made myself last night flew out the window. I had promised that last night would be our last time together and that we would discuss our relationship in the morning. Well I was only breaking part of my promise because I still planned on having the conversation with him. I know it was wrong, but I wanted one more memory of us together and I would deal with the emotional fall out later.

My eyes slowly open to a smiling Ryan laying on his side watching me and my heart cringes knowing I was about to destroy his happiness in a few short hours, but I also couldn't keep dragging him along. If the situation was different I would never leave his bed, but one can't live in the world of what if. We have been doing this secret on again and off again thing for a few years now. Mostly we were on when they weren't on tour. Made it easier to sneak around though there were a few hook ups while they were on tour. 

At first both of us had fought the major sexual attraction between the two of us. I had watched him bring women after women to his bed and couldn't stop myself from wondering why he never took me. Then I would remember I always made sure I didn't end up in his bed and it wasn't from his lack of trying. I was in a viscous circle and all I knew I continued to go to bed alone. In fact the last person I had slept with before Ryder was Adam.

Then one day he whittled me down and I found myself in his bed. Since that day I can never seem to get enough of him no matter how hard I try to keep him at a distance. I continue to find myself drawn to him and he to me. We, and by we I mean mostly me, always say how this will be the last time we do this and the this never sticks. As soon as a tour is over I find myself in his bed almost like it has now become a tradition and that is where I stay till the start of the next tour.

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