Commander, Soldier, Spy (Erwin X Reader)

Chapter 12: Arcade

"I can explain..." I stood up walking over towards Erwin but he moved away from me.

"Explain then. Explain why the moment I leave you alone in my office. I return to find you frantically taking notes of private papers." Erwin sat down at his desk avoiding the tea spill which still remained.

I didn't know what to say. I had a serious choice to make here. Give up everything, hope Erwin could forgive me and risk them coming after me. Or running now while I still had the chance, breaking Erwin's heart even more and never returning to this damned island.

Despite not telling the whole truth, everything I felt for Erwin and every emotion I'd put into this relationship since our very first letter had all been real. My chest ached that I had been put into this situation and I wished that time would rewind and I could prevent Erwin from finding out. It had been nice while it lasted but I guess the cat was out the bag and I'd rather not cause him anymore hurt than I already had.

"Alright. I'll explain. But I want you to know that everything we had, it was all real. I haven't lied about my feeling for you. I tried to keep getting information as my second priority but.... someone forced my hand... And I had no choice but to act recklessly." I ran a hand through my hair with exasperation. "I never wanted you to find out like this, I-"

"Hurry up. Enough with your rambling. Tell me everything." Erwin spoke angrily to me a side to him I'd never seen before, he really must be hurting.

"Okay... Alright...But this might be hard for you to get to grips with. I'm an agent of Marley. Specifically M.O.T.H.E.R which is the Marleyean Observation of Territories Held by Eldian Resistance. When I would receive letters from my "mother" it was instruction from my higher ups. Sometimes calling me to come home for a few weeks to be briefed or to share any intel I had gathered since I last met with them." It felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off me but the pressure still built behind my eyes, I begged myself not to cry.

"Marleyean? There's no town here called Marley... You're still lying to me!" Erwin yelled at me slamming his hand on the desk. My eyes welled and I rubbed them furiously. Erwin was a serious man but not the type to yell. I was fearful of just how angry he could get and hoped he wouldn't yell loud enough for Levi to investigate.

"I swear to you Erwin. On all I have. I'm not lying to you. You've told me about your theories about a place outside the walls where humanity continues. Those aren't theories. They're fact. Hundreds of years ago there was a great battle between two races, the Eldian and the Marleyean. The Eldian's hold a great power. The ability to become titans, the Marleyean's have no such power. So the Eldian's oppressed them, making them their slaves and forcing the women to bear their children to continue their sick race of devils." Something in my brain had flipped and I felt like I was back in training all over again. I clenched my fist remembering the history that had been taught to us many times over to make sure we knew the severity of Marleyean history.

"This is not the time to tell me about history y/n. Do you even understand the severity of what you've done?" Erwin said his head in his hands

"It's blantly clear to me that you're hurting. And, I understand but please Erwin. Don't hate me for this." I walked over tried to rest my hand on his shoulder but he stood up and moved away from me yet again.

"I knew something wasn't right with you. Everyone did. From the very start. Levi even warned me about this. How could I be so stupid?" Erwin paced the room picking up my notebook and placing it on his desk.

"Erwin, please. Do you not get it?! I never intended to fall in love with you! And yet, here I am. If I felt nothing for you I would have left already. Do you honestly think they train us to fall in love?Because they don't." I paused before continuing. "I knew from the first flutter in my chest that loving you would be so incredibly difficult and yet I still went on. I helped you, I nursed you, I danced with you. And I loved every second of it. But somewhere in the back of mind I pushed away what I'd been sent here to do. " I began to pick up my things. A deep anger boiling inside me. Although I wasn't sure towards who. Towards my home for putting me in this horrid situation? Towards myself for letting me get pulled into a relationship built on bent truths and doomed to fail? Or towards Erwin for not trusting me from the very get go.

"And don't you DARE try and claim innocence in this. You've just told me yourself you didn't trust me. Yet you led me to believe you did." My anger focused itself on Erwin, something inside me reminded me that Eldian's are devils and should not be spared our rage.
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Y/n was right. Erwin hadn't trusted her and it was for that very reason that he'd not returned with a cloth to clean the spill. He'd felt her nervous energy all day and saw her eyes light up when Levi had entered with the tea. No-one gets that excited over a cup of tea. So, when he left the room he stood outside the door waiting and listening. Praying that when he opened the door she'd still be the girl he'd fallen in love with and not someone hell bent on destroying his heart.

As much as he didn't want to believe anything that came from the lips he once kissed so passionately, everything that y/n said made perfect sense. Why she would disappear seemingly out of the blue, why she always received so many letters from her "mother" and why she never wanted him to accompany her on her travels to Hermine district.

As much as he was furious for letting himself be blinded by love. His heart still ached to hold her close one last time. Pretend that this had never happened and continue like they did before.
Y/n had put on her coat and scarf picked up her bag and was standing a mere metre from him.

"Just go." Erwin said sitting down at the desk once again, defeated. "Just go, and don't regret it."

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I walked over to the desk and grabbed for the notebook. But Erwin caught my wrist just as he had done that very first morning we met. I remembered our walks through the fields of wildflowers, the cheering on his return home from missions and our first kiss in this very room as we danced away his pain. I could no longer stop the tears from falling.

As my hand released the notebook so then did Erwin let go of my wrist and I turned and walked out of the room. As I did so a tear drop trickled from my right eye and tumbled its way down my face, my throat becoming dry.

"I'm sorry...." Being the only thing I could muster as a whisper as I left the room the door swinging shut behind me.