Manuscript Critique: a Comprehensive Guide

**FIRST DATE: The Mysterious Date

DISCLAIMER: Let me first start off by saying that this is all in good fun. A first chapter is sort of like a first date. We sit down with a book and we are nervous and excited at the same time. During my critiquing days, I've met a lot of books. Here are some pitfalls that you should look for with regards to YOUR first date. And if your first date fits this, don't take offense (it's not meant to be offensive), just think about whether or not you can turn this date around. Here we go.

---------------------------------

You sit down. I sit down.

"What's your name?" I ask.

"Not telling," you say with a smile.

I nod. "Okay. Well...what do you do for a living?"

You keep smiling. "Nope. Not telling. I'll give you a hint, though, I'm on the run."

I perk up. "Oh? That sounds interesting. Who's chasing you?"

"Can't tell ya."

I nod again. "Well, how old are you?"

"Nope. Can't tell you that either."

I start to chew on my bottom lip. "Well, what can we talk about? Tell me about your family."

"Sure. My father died a few years ago and after that, my uncle took over the family business."

"Oh, sorry to hear about your father. What's the business about, by the way?" Silence.... "Let me guess...you can't tell me?"

"No. But I will soon."

I sigh. "Well, that's cool. I get that you have a reason to be secretive. What plans do you have tonight?"

"Oh. After this, I'm going to carry out a mission. I'm pretty apprehensive about it."

I lean in close, very interested. "Well, is it dangerous? What sort of mission is it?"

You laugh. "Oh. I can't tell you. But if you stick around, you'll find out. For now, how about you sit there and watch me eat until I clue you in? I do love this biscuit."

At this point I stand up and shake my head. "You know what? I'm just gonna head home. It was nice meeting you...um, whatever your name is."

"Oh no. I feel woozy," you say, falling forward into your soup.

Others around us may gasp but somehow, I feel like this is probably typical for you.

The waiter arrives, takes one glance at you with your head in the meal, and then looks at me, haunted.

He keeps staring. "Should—should I call an ambulance?"

I pick up my coat. "I don't know. Maybe. But chances are, this is a red herring anyway."

"Oh," he says, annoyed, "one of those dates. Well, did you at least get a name?"

I raise an eyebrow but he's still hopeful.

"A general direction of town—genre? No? Nothing. I understand."

With a snap of his fingers, two goons shuffle over to scoop you up under the arm. Are they good guys? Are they bad guys? Who cares?

I barely cast you a fleeting glance as I walk away. I wanna care for you and maybe call you a cab. But I'd have no idea where you live, and honestly, I just don't know if I want to expend the effort of trying to get that information out of you. So I go home. I'm not filled with any sort of regret or guilt because honestly, I didn't know you at all. I wanted to, but we never got that far.

(end)

--------------

Is this your first date? Tune in for the next installment. If you liked this or found it useful, please give it a shout out. Help out all the first dates out there!