Manuscript Critique: a Comprehensive Guide

[79] (R) CRITIQUE: GERMAN MAJOR (Romance/Short Story)

MY GERMAN MAJOR By vani1012

Thank you for the review request. Firstly, I want to say that I commend you on the pretty art you use to accentuate your story. We don't see that too often and it caught my eye right away. It gave the journey toward the story a good feel and brought a nice somber tone to the reader arriving at the chapter. Presentations like this are a nice addition and truly brought the 'we're about to leave the here and now and get swept away' feel. Well done.

Without reading the blurb, I jumped right in. It is a short story, so why not? I could see right away that you have some issues with dialogue tags but nothing too terrible. I think even with some misplaced commas, a reader could still enjoy your work. You've got skills and I, personally, wouldn't mind seeing something else from you in the future.

The mood of the piece kept in line with the decor given to us at the start of the book. I even scrolled down to see its length and found a beautiful watercolor at the end. Again, I think these are great touches.

Regarding the story, however, I will be honest and admit that I got to the part of the grandmother starting the letter before I stopped. And I stopped because I already know the ending...because it is, quite LITERALLY, the start.

They make it and they are happily married and live a full life.

A story starting at the end isn't something I'm used to, but on the occasions I've run into it, usually we don't know 'what' happens to the second person. Then at the end, he comes out of nowhere and we see, whew, they made it.

That is not the case here. We see them both, both alive, and both still madly in love. With all that, I can't imagine what the story itself would give me beyond that depiction, since I already know the ending. Also, the story having two starts made me reluctant. Start 1 with the granddaughter asking about their wedding anniversary and start 2 with "I was born..." etc. Even before that part, it tells me how they met, that he protected her and they fell in love. All right there in the beginning.

Since I neither read nor write romance as my primary genre, I'm not sure if this is a typical set up. I've run into it a few times so maybe it is. In that case, I feel even less confident in giving you a fair and thorough review.

I believe this is a matter of preference. I enjoy not knowing what's to come (or at the very least, being 'unsure' how it all turned out until the VERY end). There were no hints of a mystery or any twists to come. It seemed very straight forward.

With all that, I didn't really have a drive to explore the 'how or why' of their love because I already have the 'and they lived happily ever after....'

If you found this critique useful at all, please consider giving it a shout out. Also, please check out the FIRST DATES chapter in this book. Help the first dates out there. For help formatting and editing, check out the TUTORIAL pages and FREE RESOURCES for more information.