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War Of The Forgotten Lovers by AzulMidnight (AzulMidnight)
A Mishap on the Road (Chapter Title) Fantasy (Genre) Humans and the fae hostilities (Themes) Third Person Omniscient (appears to be Third Person Limited) Suspense level (🌝🌝🌝🌗🌚) Chapter 2 critique available upon request inline.
---------------- 8.01.2020 -----------
Hello
thank you for letting me read your first chapter. That was one wild ride. Things to look for in a first chapter.
- clear genre (fantasy) - clear time period (check) - clear MC (check; Aria) - few characters introduced (check: Aria, this elf, her brother, the man she was supposed to marry. check check check) - tension / suspense (check) - a life-changing event/ decision (yes, for both characters)
I think this was a great start and it gave all a good first chapter needs. We get a glimpse into what sort of person she is. She takes no nonsense and she rescues herself. I'm not sure if you'd care about the comparison of her being essentially sold by her brother but in life, sometimes things just come off similar.
We don't get much insight into who she is (despite spending the chapter with her) but we do get a lot of insight into the elf that found her. He seems deep and tortured and that conflict is evident in just the few paragraphs which we see him in. This new land seems rich but I will caution you with one thing.
Paint your world.
I understand that as you write, it's hard to put things in, but later on, after you have finished ANY chapter, let it sit for a week or so and reread it again and start painting your walls and your dirt, and SOMETIMES their clothing. If it's an everyday outfit, don't worry about it. We know the elf had armor, that's enough, but the princess, is she dressed down to look a bit more common to throw off bandits? That would mean lighter clothes. Maybe that's why she thought of running away? OR, is she dressed fancy and it's hard to move about. And why was she in that carriage alone? Is that the norm here? If she had a maid who died in that raid, that's fine, too. Either way, I do think you need just SPLASH (not a bucket) just a 'splash' of paint on those walls. Just to give us a better idea of what we're seeing.
Regardless, I had a good time. I did post a lot but I also enjoyed this intro into your world! BTW great book cover! I don't know if the text works but the cover itself is great!
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