Manuscript Critique: a Comprehensive Guide

[17] CRITIQUE: When Cole Started a Flame (Teen)

When Cole Started a Flame by salvagedesires

Chapter One (Chapter Title)
Teen / YA (Genre)
Favoritism / Exclusion  (Themes)
First Person Present (fairly consistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌝🌝🌗🌚)

---------------- 8.12.2020 -----------

Hello

thank you for letting me read your first chapter. Things to look for in a first chapter.

- clear genre (Teen / YA??)
- clear time period (present/past?)
- clear MC (check; Cole)
- few characters introduced (quite a few too many: Cole, Hayes, Adam, Dad)
- tension / suspense (so-so)
- a life-changing event/ decision (yes/no)

From the title alone, I was easily pulled in and interested in this book. But while we spend the first chapter with Cole fearing for his life—rightfully so—we don't get to know WHY. We don't get to know how this fire started, why it started, or what Cole might have done to try and prevent it.

Being thrown into the aftermath was a great technique. It put us right into the action and the tension and the crisis. And boy, what a crisis. We also get a glimpse into the family's dynamic which is both interesting and sad all at once. Which comes back to the why. It would have been nice to know what Dad and Hayes were celebrating and why Cole hadn't gone.  Although I understood Cole's lament, I felt myself craving less of his fears and a bit more details about him: age, confirmation he had no mother, maybe his relationship with his dad and why it was so bad (who knows). We don't need much beyond a few sentences here and there. This is just a personal stance of mine so please take it with a grain of salt.

Now let's get to the story and the function of the first chapter. By the end of the first chapter, we should know what this story is about and what's to come. You have a great cover, a great title, and a great situation. The buildup works well and it's very real because we can all put ourselves into Cole's shoes. With all these great starts, it's surprising to see it 'pause' at the end. There is such a buildup, and it's done so beautifully. We fear with Cole, we shiver with him, we even pray Adam doesn't leave his side. And yet...he walks away without so much as a tongue lashing. 

He doesn't get choked out, threatened with military school, a 'wait till we're alone' warning. Nothing. Which begs the question, is Cole imagining things? He doesn't like his brother, and yet, his brother saved him. He feared his father, and yet, his father didn't grab him and rough him up or show any other hints of abuse or otherwise. With his fear being a direct contrast to what we witness, we start to question his reliability as a narrator and if, perhaps, HE'S the one with the problem. If this was intentional, you did a great job. Even so, the ending doesn't really drag or hook us along necessarily. If Cole made that fire with his bare hands through supernatural powers, for example, that certainly would.

You have a vision of what you want for this book. A few extra tweaks here and there will guarantee that we readers can benefit from that vision, too.  You lit that match, blow that ish up.

(end)