Discover Soulmate by ily_ari_grande
Birthday(Chapter Title)
Sci-Fi Fantasy?? (Genre)
Destiny vs. Personal Choice (Themes)
First Person past (fairly consistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌝🌗🌚🌚)
---------------- 8.20.2020 -----------
Hello
thank you for letting me read your first chapter. Things to look for in a first chapter.
- clear genre (Sci-Fi Fantasy)
- clear time period (Present/ AU)
- clear MC (check: Imogen)
- few characters introduced (few: Imogen, Mom, Drew, Frankie oh...and Kenny??)
- tension / suspense (so-so)
- a life-changing event/ decision (yes)
I usually don't read blurbs at all anymore. So I had no idea what I was getting into. The premise threw me (in a good way). What a neat idea. And although it's not a 'new' idea, the execution of it certainly was. How very interesting.
Firstly, I like that it's an Asian character. And I also like that it was introduced smoothly. I'm not sure if all non-Asians will catch that, but I think Asians will so don't worry about the monolid bit. Her crew is equally interesting. Nice supportive mom. And a best friend. Although, we don't see the best friend even ONCE beyond the text.
Now let's talk about the pros and cons. The pros is that you are a master of dialogue tags and for the most part, the grammar wasn't problematic. Some sentences read a bit wonky but nothing that couldn't be addressed. You also repeat some words often. That's to be expect when we write our draft. Though, I would look out for 'started.' In fact, I bet if you do a search for 'started' in your manuscript right now, you might be shocked at how many highlights show up.
My only other issue is the character's consistency. She mentions that she and her friend agreed to wait, but neither of them did. It would have been nice to find out why. Or for her to say SHE had been serious but since Frankie got hers, it made no sense to wait.
She's also overly polite to strangers, but not all that nice to her mother. This makes her come off a bit phony (sorry for saying that). Though she wasn't hard to read, I do wonder if she grows and matures as the book progresses.
Otherwise, there were no real issues that stood out. It's all a matter of taste. You'll get a lot of people, like myself, who feel she's a bit too abrasive at times, and others who'll like her as is. And that's okay. Not everyone will fall for our characters. Even with that in mind, it was still a very interesting read. Good start.
(end)
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