Today, Tomorrow, Forever By NewGirlGhostWriter
Chapter 1: Meet Elle (Chapter Title)
Teen Romance / Coming of age (Genre)
Starting a new life (Themes)
Third Person (head-hopping)
Suspense level (🌝🌗🌚🌚🌚)
---------------- 8.06.2020 -----------
Hello
thank you for letting me read your first chapter. Things to look for in a first chapter.
- clear genre (coming of age? Teen Romance? not sure)
- clear time period (present)
- clear MC (check; Elle)
- few characters introduced (check: Elle and this stranger)
- tension / suspense (very low)
- a life-changing event/ decision (yes/no)
Grammar issues aside, you were able to capture the character's moment exceptionally. It was like being right there with her. You also chose a very interesting MC. I like that she knew her mind, even at sixteen, and she wasn't going to let anyone encroach on her independence. She seems level-headed and strong and even though we only met her briefly, I felt confident she was a good narrator to be our guide. Good job.
My question after reading that chapter was, 'Where?" Where was she guiding us. We didn't really receive any hint as to what this story was going to offer us. Mystery, magic, romance, adventure, conflict? (Maybe) self-discovery?
Unfortunately, making a character 'too' real works against us in fiction. Reality is slow, reality is clumsy, reality is random and reality is...uneventful. We don't read fiction for reality. We want a semblance of it. Meaning , we want realistic people but not ultra realistic situations. I swear, I thought perhaps the chapter would end with a terrorist attack or something of that nature because everything was so pleasant and by-the-book for so long. So imagine my surprise when...it didn't. It was just real. A real encounter, on a real day, in a real airport, with a real random person. Again, we don't read books to enter into the real world. We read books to escape from it.
Leave Elle's real personality, and give us some sort of action or catalyst for action in chapter 1. Show us how this book is going to snatch us from this reality, and bring us into something far better.
Good luck!
(end)
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