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Receive an in-depth critique of your first chapter. Find out what works and what doesn't. This is an honest and fair assessment aimed to help you polish your work. I've taught English for fourte...
chapter 1 : Flashback (Chapter Title) Contemporary/ Coming of age/ Mafia family (Genre) Family vs. Duty (Themes) First person past (fairly consistent) Suspense level (🌝🌝🌝🌗🌚) Chapter 2 critique available upon request
---------------- 8.06.2020 -----------
Hello
thank you for letting me read your first chapter. Things to look for in a first chapter.
- clear genre (crime, thriller, coming of age? not sure) - clear time period (present) - clear MC (check; Sarah) - few characters introduced (check: Sarah, Luca, mother, father) - tension / suspense (very good) - a life-changing event/ decision (yes, yes, and yes)
On paper, this chapter shouldn't have worked. My, was it unexpected. Right out the gate, it started with a flashback. And although I have nothing against them, I've seen far too many flashbacks fail so I was weary. Not this time. This WORKED. The grammar was stripped down and there was absolutely no punctuation (I'm not kidding!) yet somehow, it works!
The raw emotion, the pacing, the smooth transitions. (clapping 👏). It's easy to see that this scene was inspired and that's how it came so effortlessly to you. If the rest of the book reads so well, this is easily on its way to winning some nice awards.
I will say though, having to RETYPE your chapter was insanely difficult. It was rewarding because the story and tempo was so brisk but the lack of ANY proper punctuation is holding this beautiful chapter back, sadly. I've seen this before. A great chapter hampered by poor grammar. This chapter deserves the cleanest grammar you can get it! Please visit the TUTORIALS section in this book and brush up. If you still have trouble, at least capitalize and add periods. The rest can be sorted out later on.
I'm unsure how the rest of the book reads but you are well on your way. And all that's holding you back are a few periods! Tsk, tsk, tsk! I'd be more than happy to take a look at your chapter two (after you tweak it a bit, of course).
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