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Thank you for requesting a review. I've read your first chapter and will give you a critique of that first chapter. In this case, there is no inline edit or proofread because this was a review request. I do recommend you request a critique to join the queue in order to get a line edit should you feel you need one.
Right off the bat, I was drawn into your character's world and his emotions. I'm actually shocked by how quickly I became emotionally invested in him. And it builds. All of it. It just builds and builds. We follow him from one place to the next and it was easy to see how lost he was. Even though I've never been through what he's been through at that particular moment, I could relate to his struggles and his suffering.
So why didn't I continue? Well, that IS why I didn't continue.
This book has paranormal elements, but even paranormal exists in the real world, something I read to escape. You painted it so well that there was no escaping. I was in it. And as it felt too familiar to how I grew up, I had to take a step back. If this was the same story graphed (or woven) into a science fiction world, or a fantasy setting, I'd lap it up. Because we do want our fantastical worlds to be grounded in (if not based on) SOME reality. And when we can see the current hidden in the other, it's an amazing thing.
That wasn't the case, however. It was a contemporary story with paranormal elements, elements that were hinted but not fully realized by the end of chapter 1. As a result, I'll definitely keep you on my 'to read list' and I have followed you because if you ever come out with a genre I prefer such as Fantasy or Science Fiction or even historical, then I'm there. But all talks of modern human suffering has to stay on my bottom shelf. Especially here since your talent made it FAR too palpable.
One thing I will say that turned me off to the chapter, however, was the ending. By the end, he'd been through so much, even with encountering his high school friend. To have him experience that situation with his wife felt a bit like overload. A little goes a long way in this one, I think. Even if she does what she does or she needs to do it in this book for you to use it later on, could it have waited?
The title turned me off, as I'm not a fan of drugs of any kind. I was happy to see that the main character wasn't an addict. But you have to admit, with a title like that, it's what most probably expect? I'd also see about getting a new cover. If you check back here in a few days, I'll see if I can't fiddle around and make one for you.
Keep me in your thoughts when you look for another read for read for a sci-fi or fantasy genre. I'll be there with bells on. Your prose is well worth it. Thanks again.
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