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Receive an in-depth critique of your first chapter. Find out what works and what doesn't. This is an honest and fair assessment aimed to help you polish your work. I've taught English for fourte...
Chapter 1 (Chapter Title) Teen Fiction (Genre) Wrong place, wrong time (Themes) First Person Past (somewhat consistent) Suspense level (🌝🌝🌚🌚🌚)
---------------- 11.21.2020 -----------
Hello
Thank you for letting me read your first chapter. Things to look for in a first chapter.
- clear genre (Teen Fiction) - clear time period (Modern?) - clear MC (Mel) - few characters introduced (few at first but ballooned to too many: Mel, Marcus, Mom, JJ, JJ's gf, Lyra, Lyra's sister??) - tension / suspense (so-so) - a life-changing event / decision (Yes, perhaps)
I needed a minute to think about the best way to approach this book. For the most part, it checks off all the things necessary for a good first chapter. It's got the genre intro, the MC intro, and the conflict at the end. The tone is good and the MC is very likeable.
The issue that we need to address is Chekhov's Gun. It states that anything mentioned in great detail must come into play later on.
We start the story with a waking up scene, which I have now come to realize is a bad sign. Not once in the last 3 months, 100+ critiques, have I found even ONE waking up scene that's worked. It is like the dead canary in the coal mine.
Simply put, those scenes at the house serve no large purpose. It's normal and natural for us to start at the beginning and then build up to the action, but not in a first chapter. In fact, I'd argue that a first chapter starts AFTER the build up.
Nothing happens at home. Nothing the characters need, not really. So why didn't the chapter start when the friends met up? Do we need to know the ins and outs of every character just yet? If you have a farm, and you invite me there. Will you bring each and every animal to put into my lap at the same time? Or would you slowly make your way through, introducing me to them as we go?
In my opinion, the chapter should start with the THREE friends meeting. Mel, Lyra, and JJ (all others can come later on or get mentioned), then JJ meets on Anna and they take off, then the library, then the current ending.
If you're still on the fence, ask yourself, what does the intro give the reader? What extra information, NEEDED information, does it provide that the reader can't do without? If the answer is 'nothing' then you know what you need to do.
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