Manuscript Critique: a Comprehensive Guide

**FIRST DATE: The Emotional Date

DISCLAIMER: Let me first start off by saying that this is all in good fun. A first chapter is sort of like a first date. We sit down with a book and we are nervous and excited at the same time. During my critiquing days, I've met a lot of books. Here are some pitfalls that you should look for with regards to YOUR first date. And if your first date fits this, don't take offense (it's not meant to be offensive), just think about whether or not you can turn this date around. Here we go.

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The Emotional Date

We sit down, the date's going well. I find out your name and occupation. Hey, I know something about your field so I'm instantly curious. You speak smoothly and you're well versed in your subject matter. I'm impressed.

Right now your retail business has been hit by a string of mysterious robberies and it's making you edgy but you're determined to solve the crimes.

Wow.

After you tell me all about it, I come up with some ideas. I think I might know what's going on with your business and I'm eager to find out what you think. I'm ready to bounce some ideas off you and see where you take me.

You get a phone call, the light dims from your eyes and you sort of slump.

When you put the phone down, I bite some of my salad, asking, "Everything okay?"

A tear runs down your cheek. "My ex-husband and his new wife just died under mysterious circumstances."

I sit up. You seem like a nice book, and we've been going so well so far. I'm there for you.

"Okay. Do you need to go? Should I drop you anywhere?"

"And they're gone," you say.

I nod. "Yes. I can only imagine."

"And I'm so sad about it."

You're emotional and that's understandable.

"When they were young," you begin, "they fell in love and got married."

I'm curious about them, so I sit back and listen. Besides, it's the least I could do.

"They traveled the world together. They were so in love. And then when they got married, my ex-husband decided to build her a house. She wanted six children, exactly six, and he was determined to give her just that."

"That sounds really interesting," I admit.

"And then after college, he made all those dreams come true. They were happy together for a while, but then they broke up, then they got back together, then they broke up again."

I listen patiently.

"And I'm just so emotional and sad!"

Although I'm starting to feel somewhat uncomfortable now, I stick with you because this is sort of a big deal.

"And I'm just crying all the time...for hours...and hours and days because I'm so sad."

Okay. Now I'm uncomfortable. But we started off well and that's okay, so I agree to a second date.

The second chapter opens big; there's another robbery at the retail shops. My theories weren't right but now I'm even more curious.

You tell me all about it and I feel for you because it's a lot to take in on the heels of your ex's death.

"And I'm just so sad," you begin...halfway through the date.

"Yes. I know it must be hard," I say. "What do you plan to do?"

"I plan to cry and talk about the past some more. And then I'll cry again."

And then you do cry and talk about them again for the remainder of the date. The third date was harder for me to agree to because at the end of date two, you hinted about bringing a flashback of your ex and his wife—who are seemingly unrelated to this entire story and are just there to exploit my feelings.

"On the next date..." you say into the phone.

"Um, I'm sorry, there won't be a next date," I admit.

"But...but the mystery. Don't you care about it?"

"What mystery?" I scream. "You left that mystery twenty pages ago! Now all you do is go into flashbacks about people who aren't here, aren't coming back, and aren't hinted as being a part of the story. I get that you're sad but you're laying it on kinda thick. And you're not talking about how you're going to move past this pain, but rather wallow in it."

"But I'm just so sad about it!" you wail.

I hang up the phone.

(end)

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Is this your first date? Tune in for the next installment. If you liked this or found it useful, please give it a shout out. Help out all the first dates out there!