Manuscript Critique: a Comprehensive Guide

[12] CRITIQUE: My Bright Shade of Black (Coming of age / Teen)

My Bright Shade of Black By explicitly_me

Chapter 1 (Chapter Title)
Coming of age (Genre)
Healing, Abandonment, Forgiveness (Themes)
First Person Present (somewhat inconsistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌝🌗🌚🌚)
Second chapter reading available upon request

---------------- 8.07.2020 -----------

Hello

thank you for letting me read your first chapter. Things to look for in a first chapter.

- clear genre (coming of age? Teen Romance? not sure)
- clear time period (present)
- clear MC (check; Nikki)
- few characters introduced (check: Nikki, mom, and Mike)
- tension / suspense (so-so)
- a life-changing event/ decision (yes/no)

I'm not sure how old you are but I'm going to guess you're somewhat young from what I've read. If that's the case, then I'm truly humbled by your abilities. This thing felt POWERFUL. So tangible that I shared each and every bit of hurt she had. The pacing was great, and the flashback was minuscule--just small enough to keep the pacing but infused with enough detail to feed the reader's curiosity.

Nikki's situation can resonate well with any reader because we've all had a sense of loss. Her sense of loss comes with huge consequences that are easy to imagine. It touches on a lot of broad-reaching situations that I think are easy to connect with. I liked her snark. Sometimes she was too rude to her mother, BUT, even then it was forgivable considering the circumstances. I liked her narrow view of life, which I usually don't with teenagers. But that's the way teenagers think and behave. I look forward to seeing her grow up and come into her own.

So now that I've adequately given you your well-deserved dues, I must address something.

Where is she from? She's now going to Wisconsin but she makes no mention of leaving the UK or otherwise. She calls her mother 'mum' and you use the non-American spelling for words such as 'favorite.' If she's coming from across the pond, that needs to be made clear. If she's supposed to be all American, then I think your spelling should be as well.

Also, your tenses. I know you  have a vision, but present tense must remain present. Past must remain past, etc. etc. If present tense is hard to do (which it is), then try first person past.

Judging from this chapter, there's so much potential in this book. I'd be more than happy to check it out casually at a later date, in fact, I probably will.

Happy writing!

(End)

P.S. I really like the title of your book!

oh!

One last thing and actually, your chapter can probably survive without it, but usually the first chapter gives a hint (some sort of breadcrumb) for the reader to follow. Some use a cliff-hanger. I went ahead and put something similar to that at the end of your chapter, but honestly, it needs to be from you. Can you give the reader a small nibble as to what's to come? Something to nudge him/her along? If you don't want to or decide not to, again, I don't think your chapter will suffer without it, but it's a good practice to employ.