When Force Meets Force by Bob Ryan (BobRyan874)
Chapter 1 (Chapter Title)
Science Fiction (Genre)
Forward Thinking vs. Comfort (Themes)
Third Person Limited (consistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌝🌗🌚🌚)
---------------- 8.15.2020 -----------
Hello
thank you for letting me read your first chapter. Things to look for in a first chapter.
- clear genre (Science Fiction)
- clear time period (Future or AU)
- clear MC (check: Candairon)
- few characters introduced (few: Candairon, Captain Bordost)
- tension / suspense (moderate)
- a life-changing event/ decision (unsure)
It's not every day that I get to read a book like this on Wattpad so rest assured, I was pleased with this find. Space, and not just space but space and a story told from an alien species' prospective. Talk about ambitious. The first thing that stood out to me was the pacing. This is a new world with new characteristics, new rules, and in space to boot and yet, it doesn't feel jarring. It doesn't feel rushed and it feels quite vivid.
We start the chapter in a pod being launched into space. The narrator, a female character, relays her thoughts on the experience and how some around her are being exiled to space. Instantly I'm curious as to why. Everything that's brought up is used to paint a very real picture and it's easy to be swept away. Just enough of our own civilization (and a hint that our planet is about to make some potential trouble) is present so we don't feel too far out there. But equally, enough new features can take us away.
As this is a critique (not one you requested), I do have one concern. The pattern used in the writing. Now, it says in the book that this is a WIP (work in progress) so that might be why. We often reach for patterns to keep our writing going faster, but in the off chance that it's not, I will only point to that one issue. The use of 'which,' 'but,' and 'since' really stood out. Cutting them out and forming a new sentence would remedy quite a bit. It's nothing that a line edit won't clear up.
Otherwise, I think true sci-fi fans will appreciate your attention to detail and your vivid imagination. All of which helps this first chapter come to life.
(end)
YOU ARE READING
Manuscript Critique: a Comprehensive Guide
Non-FictionCritiques, reviews, video tutorials, promos and more. Receive an in-depth critique of your first chapter. Find out what works and what doesn't. This is an honest and fair assessment aimed to help you polish your work. I've taught English for fourte...
