The Blue Diamond | JJK 🔞

61 Eyes Meet, And The World Stops

*Jungkook's POV*

"Where is Eli?" I ask in a cold tone trying to relax myself by sinking lower into the chair.

"She's here," my heart stops dead, "and calmly waiting for you." Namjoon kindly assures and my foot tap anxiously on the floor. I don't know for which part I am happier; the fact that Namjoon is showing kindness through his words or the fact that Eli might be somewhere in this house waiting for me.

"Why is she here?" I bite my thumbnail, trying to suppress a smile ready to floor onto my face.

"Because we all need her here. You need her here." Licking my lips, I nod my head. Namjoon takes a seat right opposite to me and nods everyone else in the room to leave except Jin. I don't mind his presence, in fact it brings me peace he is here to witness what all I am going to hear.

I had this feeling all along that something is gonna happen. Something good, in fact better. I won't mind now if she will punch me or shoot me in the head or kick me in my balls, I just want her next to me. Knowing that she is here just few feet apart from me brings me world peace.

My dead heart comes back alive and I swear to God it is the best feeling ever. I could feel each and every nerve of my body responding in sync by thinking about one single human being. That human being capable of making me weak in front of her yet makes me feel powerful at the same time. She is all that I yern for.

"Look," I speak, finally finding my own voice again, "my head is a mess right now and I really don't want to talk to you." I feel like a child knowing his favorite show is gonna start on TV but somehow waiting for his parent's lecture to finish.

"I know you don't want to." The desperation in both Namjoon's face and voice is what's keeping me pinned on my seat. "And I also know that my action is irreplaceable of my words, but I just want you to know that I am really very regretful of my actions." Honestly, a small sorry would've worked instead of his philosophical long sentences. But I can't take his apologies, not now, not yet.

I've known Namjoon for years, and knowing that he is here sitting in front of me and taking responsibility of his actions is not him. If he makes mistake, he corrects them with action, not with words. God knows how much of a courage he must have taken to come and tell me this. But do I want him to apologize?

I rub my temples as they give me severe headache. "I appreciate you coming to me and telling me sorry." I emphasize on the word 'sorry' to remind him he could've used that word instead. "But I can't accept it." Shoving my anxiety inside my chest, I stand up from the chair only to feel weak on my knees. Jin notices and stands up immediately but I refuse his help. At this point, I feel everything around me is fake. As if I am still hallucinating. As if I am still living in a dream. A bad dream.

After all those sedation, it takes my entire body strength to hold myself stiff on my legs. Not only legs, but my head. I can't think straight. It is as if there are voices in my head telling me to run away from everyone around here. It is telling me that this is all nothing but fake faces trying to get me back on my knees. They're playing again. They want me in their control. They want me to act like their puppet and be what he always programmed me to do. It is all a lie. A big fat blow on my face to tell me how incapable I am. But am I?

I look at Jin, and he looks nothing but worried. Sensing my discomfort, he looks equally stressed as I am; trying to figure out if I am alright or not. I am not. Those voices are coming back. A sheer chill runs down my spine. A wave of fear- pure fear.

"Now if you'd tell me where Eli is." I ask calmly but only I know how shaken up I am on the inside. I want to scream in pain. I am not ready to see the hurt on her face. But I know I deserve it. I deserve all the pain that she has been through, not her. I wish if there was a way with which I could transfer all her pain into me. I wish I could just hold her and cry into her arms like nothing else matters.