The Blue Diamond | JJK 🔞

43 Cold

You know sometimes I like to be an angel so here's the double update.

Enjoy children ✌🏼

*Present*

It became my habit I guess, to wake up in the morning in cold bed and grab my phone to dial the only number on top of my speed dials. I will hear the telecom inform me the same information of the number doesn't exists and then cry my eyes out.

How long will it take my wounded heart to heal? One week, two week, a month or a year? It has already been two weeks now and honestly, each day feel like living in a light year, let alone if I have to carry my wounded heart for a year or longer. I have had enough I guess.

Of course I have questions that I am dying to get past them, but it hurts me more. The questions are the same and maybe I have the answers, but I can't accept them. I am too hurt to know them. I want to stop feeling the pain, I want to be free of it. None of it helps. I tried drinking until I end up vomiting. I overdosed on drugs and also tried taking my frustration out in the ring, but nothing helps.

I have mourned a lot and I need to move on. I have a sister to take care of and responsibilities to look after. I can't keep feeling like this forever. I honestly don't care about the diamonds anymore. They have given me enough pain and this is just the cherry on the top.

I was holding myself pretty fine before Jungkook showed up in my life and made me blindly believe that our life is full of hearts, roses and glitters. But the truth is totally the opposite. I know he loved me, no one could lie just like that. A girl knows when she is love whether she is being loved back or not. And in my case, even if the whole world will say he didn't love me, I'll not belive.

And that's making me frustrated even more. He loved those stupid, cursed filthy diamonds more than me. And I hate it, I hate the fact that I am comparing myself with something unbreathable, non-living thing. I can't do this anymore. I have mourned a lot and I have had enough of my misery.

I don't want Diamonds, I want Jungkook to stand in front of me and tell me if his obsession was greater than my love while I hold his head in my gunpoint. Any answer, in my favor or not, I'll pull the trigger in.

A final punch land on my opponent's face and he collapses on the floor groaning and spitting blood out of his mouth. All of the adrenaline in my body rushes trying to calm my sweating body and numbing my heart out of every emotion seeking inside. Deafening cheers echoes inside the entire arena and Travis, the referee enters inside the cage to announce me winner.

He grins broadly, probably happy because we're gonna stack loads of money tonight. I guess I am back to the square one, from where I started. There is no escape from this world and I so much hate myself to find myself back in it. I have no idea what am I supposed to do now.

"I am gonna miss this place." Derry comments walking besides me out of the arena.

"I am not gonna miss it at all." I mumble with bitterness. This place has become a nightmare to me and I could call it a good riddance when the broadcasting company will start renovating and will remove entire existence of what I used to remember. It is a good new start.

"When is your mom coming?" He asks and I sigh taking my phone out of the pocket to check the time.

"She must be here in an hour or something." Derry nods his head grinning lightly yet cheerfully. He looks much better than weeks before and I am so glad to see him coping up with his turmoil unlike me.

"Come on, I'll give you ride back home." He enthusiastically runs to his truck and I shake my head, chuckling lightly.

I don't mind turning the lights on once I am home. I have lived here longer than necessary to know where I am going with closed eyes. Honestly, I am scared of walking inside my room. All these memories and emotions in each and every abstract of this house is painful. But I have decided to walk past that. Funny how my room still smells like him. Till morning, it would sting my eyes with tears, but now it doesn't. Have I overcome the grieving period? or that my heart has gone numb? Wasn't it what I wanted?