The Blue Diamond | JJK 🔞

47 A Tiny Bit, But Still It Is A Hope

*Present*

I sigh and close the tap and water stops running out of the shower.

I said I will stop grieving but let's be honest, everyone knows it isn't that easy. People go away but the memories don't. It is a gift if you are left with good memories and it is a nightmare if it's bad one. You have to bear whatever you are left with like a flower to heal soul or a stone in your heart.

But in my case, I have to bear both. I actually feel lucky that I was able to get a glimpse of so much happiness at a time and felt so much loved that no one ever made me feel in the entire existence of my life. And then at times I just want to burn my heart itself so that it could beat no more because it beats only for him. He said our heats beat together- for each other. Does he feel the same pain that I am feeling? Or is he admiring the diamonds and celebrating with worlds most expensive champagne on his table with a couple of stripper in his arms and his mates praising him for being such a loyal dog and breaking a girl completely in the process?

He must be laughing and giggling and enjoying the best in his life while I suffer in pain everyday. The thought itself boils my blood and all I could see is red. How much of a fool I was to let a stranger step into my life, play with my heart and let him live in my own house just to get deceived at the end. I pity myself and I hate myself. I wish I could just kill myself but that'd only mean his victory.

I will bring him down and force him to pay for what he has destroyed. Diamonds for diamonds. Heart for heart.

I am glad I am feeling the emotion now; anger. Maybe the memories pain me but at least I am not crying anymore. I mark it as a step one of my 'getting over him' part.

I wear black jeans and white shirt and stomp out of the room. My black combat boots thuds on the wooden stairs as I descend to downstairs. I can hear Lillian and mom talking and giggling and immediately the delicious smell of pancakes welcome me. I look into the direction of the kitchen and find my mom cooking breakfast and Lillian sits on her chair waiting for her meal to be presented.

Lillian got home three days back, fully recovered and healthy. I wasn't needed to insist mom for staying as she declared beforehand she is going to put stay for longer time. I had no problem in letting her stay here as I cleared her previous room that she shared with dad for her. After all this is her home too.

We haven't talked well since I leashed out on her in the hospital, but she hasn't let go of any chance to show how sorry or how affectionate she feels towards me. It is just me who push her away. I have seen enough people climbing into the corner safe of my heart and then leaving by destroying it completely. My dad, her and Jungkook. They all have done the same thing, only the situations were different.

"Oh Eli." Mom calls snapping me out of my thought. "Come have breakfast with us. I am making pancakes." A hopeful look sets on her face and a motherly smile that I have died to see for more than ten years. I hate it- everything. She is going to leave us after few days, it is all of no use.

"I am not hungry." I don't look at Lillian. I know I will go and sit with them if she will ask me to because I can never say no to her. "I gotta go and need work to get done." With that said, I storm out of the house. My mom's disappointed look didn't go unnoticed by me. It isn't of any use. She is going back to London anyway.

Jackson's 'Found something, meet me at my place. Urgent' message was enough to grab my attention in the morning as I was sitting in my bed with the sleep of only three hours max and a selfie of Jungkook and I in my Instagram timeline in my hand. I quickly dressed myself and now drive towards Jackson's house.

"Where's Yugyeom?" I ask stepping inside his apartment. "Haven't seen him in a while." Jackson chuckles and I give him a questioning look.

"Glad you noticed he isn't around." I sigh ready to leash out on him but he beats me to it. "It's a good sign you know." He hops on the couch, folding his legs on the cushion.