The Blue Diamond | JJK 🔞

53 The Killer

*Present*

*Jin's POV*

Namjoon has been restless ever since our return to Seoul. This has made a drastic change in everyone's life now that after stepping to their home country almost a decade later. Not only Namjoon, but everyone is restless, but they all have mastered to not show how uncomfortable it is.

I am not much in talking terms with Joon himself; I simply can't bring myself to face him and talk to him like everything is normal. There is this colossal gap settling between rest of us and him.

We all know very well the reason behind his action and we know he isn't wrong in his shoes; but he is so wrong that the day he'll realize what he has done will rip him inside out. But none of his actions define the real reason behind him being this harsh. It doesn't makes sense and none of us know why we're at this point of breaking down.

I sit inside Jungkook's bedroom for hours almost everyday, watch him sleep, more like him being totally knocked down. We needed to sedate him in order to let him calm down. After the giant tantrum he threw after waking up in this familiar room that might have brought back few anxieties to him, he turned the entire room upside down hurting himself in all the way possible.

The shock of betrayal and pain must have been too much to endure so the boy did what seemed rational to him even though it totally wasn't. I saw that look on his face for the first time. How he was crying and how he was begging each and everyone present in this room to help him out. The boy was destroyed, he is destroyed and nothing can hurt me more than anything else in my life.

His scared and pained look from that day still haunt me and jolt me up from my own sleep, I wonder how he must be doing.

After watching his feet and hand bleeding with the scapes of mirror that he punched earlier, Jimin had to strangle him down and Taehyung had nothing else option left but to sedate him.

I remember the first time when Jungkook came to me and comforted me when I was having a panic attack. It wasn't long that I left my filthy mafia family to follow Namjoon. My family has been involved in all sorts of trafficking since many decades and I hated it. My own father was the reason why I became what I am. I guess watching a little girl of my age get raped by my father's friends might have done a good job in traumatizing me for lifetime.

I dreamt of it that night and had another panic attack, the worst of all. Waking up in an empty bed in the middle of the night with no sight of Namjoon made me at the verge of breaking down. And my breaking down wasn't like throwing tantrums.

Hearing my cries, Jungkook entered the room. The scared eighteen years old walked in carefully and my heartbeat started to mess up badly. It was dangerous for him to be in a room same with me while I was having a scene. I told him to stay away, but he refused. He climbed on the bed and I tried to keep distance as much as possible, but he threw himself all over me. I froze and he hugged me tighter.

"Shh," he whispered, "don't worry, I am there for you." He spoke in my ear only tightening his hold around me. "I also get them sometimes but I manage to suppress them down. And you are doing a lot better than I am. Just fight it." And I did, I suppressed my anxiety and slept peacefully with Jungkook next to me, hugging me like a koala and never for once leaving my side for the entire night. As if, if he'd, I might get those filthy scenes back.

Sitting in his bedroom for hours, all I do is thinking. A lot of thinking. We haven't betrayed only one person, I always worry about Eli too. I wonder how she'd be doing, what she might be thinking. How much in pain she would be.

Love. It is a very fragile word with tons of meaning behind it. It always surprises me how a single word could hold so much of emotions and feelings behind it. There must be more word to it to define what it actually is. What is love? A feeling? A word that tells how deeply we care for someone? An emotion that describes what we want from the person we care for? All of them. Love is all of them. And I guess that's why it is so fragile. Because once you feel like you are not being loved back, it makes you broken and unable to endure the pain it brings.