Her first time

Chapter fifty one.

 Thursday evening. I say and take a seat next to him. "Are you okay?" He asks and I can hear the fear in his voice. "Yeah, well I'm getting there," I say and look up to the sky.  "Rach I'm so sorry and I know now it was never my place to." He can't finish his sentence cause I cut him off by saying. "You know I grew up with a drunk dad and an anxious mother. My dad left me when I was ten. It hasn't been easy for me, but Eliot was always there for me." "Well, then we have another thing a comment." He says and our eyes meet. "What?"   "Well, my dad left me and my mom when I was eight. He was a drunk and couldn't keep his hands to himself."  "Thank you for telling me that." "Rachel you have to know, that I'm sorry and I've been feeling......" He doesn't finish his sentence and I thought we were over this. 

"Finish what you were about to say Justin or I'm leaving," I say and maybe a little too harshly but he has to understand he needs to be honest with me. "I hate myself for fucking things up with you and you must hate me too." He says and then looks down at his shoes. "No, I don't hate you. I couldn't even if I wanted to." Then it's quiet for a while. "When my dad left, my mom sort of fell apart and I had to get a job to help pay the bills. She got fired and then it only got worse until five years ago. And Eliot was always there for me, he helped me get through it and he knows what I've been through. I love Eliot, but he is more like a friend and you, you're so much more than that." I say and lay my head on his shoulder making him scoot closer to me and put his arm around me. 

He tilts my head to look me in the eye. When our eyes met my heart leaps. "Really?" he says while he slides a tuft of hair behind my ear and the feeling warms my whole body. "Yes, really!" I say and then he says "I know I hurt you and I know you think we can't work and I tried to stay away from you but I just can't. I can's fight this, I mean us any longer, Rach." I see his green eyes sparkle and his stiff frown fades away into a beautiful smile. He lifts my chin with his tumb and moves closer to kiss me. I'm getting goosebumps all over my body when his fingers trace my skin.  My heart beats faster and my fingers are tingling. When our lips touch my body is instantly on fire.  

I feel his tongue gently trying to come in between my lips. I want to kiss him back so badly. I push at his chest to stop him, but he doesn't budge. And all I want to do is kiss him back, but I stop myself. Cause he needs to know that I can't do this any loger. He needs to know his behavior is wrong and cruel.  And I need to know where we stand, before letting things go any further. I can still feel his tongue trying to pry it's way in between my lips and his strong long arms around me, pulling me closer to him, despite my attempts to push him away. 

"Kiss me" He says demanding against my lips. I shake my head and he grunts in frustration. "Pleas Rachel just kiss me. I want you. I need you, Rach." He says and did I just hear that correctly? His words unravel me, this drunk horrible man just sad he wants and needs me.  Somehow hearing it warms my hearth and I want to believe him. My lips part slowly and again his mouth is on mine, but this time I don't resist and I want all of him. I know this isn't the answer to my questions or problems, but that doesn't matter now. 

All that matters are his words and the way how he said them: I want you I need you Rach. And again thinking about it warms my heart only more. His tongue is making slow turns around mine and it feels epic. He makes me feel epic. He lifts me on top of him and I slowly rock back and forth over his thing that's growing under me. "Rach" he breaths out and places his hands on my hips. It feels amazing to know what I can do to him. My hands slide roughly through his curly brown hair while he kisses my neck. And I'm wondering where this is going If I don't stop this now. My heartbeat is raising and my breathing is quicker and the burning feeling in my panties is getting worse. I want him I want to feel him between my legs. His touch makes me crazy.