Irrational Anger ( MXM)

003.

"I wish I had met you dad" Ryan looked at his son talking to the man he himself didn't know. The way his son's eyes held sadness made Ryan to feel guilty inside his chest. Ryan wants to tell his son the truth but how can you tell your nine year old how he was conceived, Troy might hate himself, so Ryan thinks this is the good idea at least for now. Mr Benicio had told Ryan countless times to at least make up any story to tell Troy, the man wasn't comfortable with Ryan telling Troy that his father was died he rather think anything else but this but Ryan was too stubborn to listen because to him that man is died, Ryan knows that this will hurt Troy if he finds out the truth.

Ryan thought about it and came up with this solution which he wasn't too happy about but what if he tells Troy about his father and the boy start asking questions or moreso wanting to meet him, Ryan didn't want to see him again and if he ever see him again, Ryan will show the bastard hell.

Ryan wants his son to hate the bastard like he hates him, many times Ryan wanted to tell Troy the truth about how he was convinced but you can't just put it out there. If time comes he will make up a story which will benefit him and his son to protect Troy from hating himself.

But if Troy's father appears, Ryan won't hesitate to tell Troy what the devil did to him. Ryan will put the shame aside and tell Troy the truth coz to hell he wasn't gonna allow that bastard to see Troy. Troy will never get exposed to that kind of a man. He will make sure Troy hates him more than Ryan does.

On the other side Ryan doesn't want that. He doesn't want to implant hate in Troy's heart and that was the main reason why he didn't tell him.

Yes Ryan hates the man but was it worth for Troy to find out that he was a product of rape. Ryan doesn't know what he wants but at least for now everything worked out the way he planned. Troy knows that his father is dead so all is good for now. He will think of a solution if time comes but as for now he has to stick to the lie.

Ryan flickered around the cemetery wanting to get out of there in a hurry. The person who laid there wasn't any related to Troy or him in any way. Ryan was walking by one day and found people crying on the this grave and an idea piped up in his head when he saw that the man who died was young. Ryan was tired of hearing his son asking about his father all the time so he decided to show him this very grave.

He stole the picture that was on the grave and hung it up in his house just to show Troy that Ryan and his father were in love. Ryan was glad that the grave didn't have the stone written on it. It was win win for him. Ryan feels bad to lie but in this case he had no other option. He lied to Troy that his father died in a car accident but  What Ryan didn't know was Troy begging him to see his father now and then,even though he hates it he has to go through it no matter what, to make the lie believable.

"I'm done let's go" Troy announced happily placing the red roses on the grave with a smile on his lips making Ryan to feel more guiltier. Ryan nodded starting to walk away his heart aching, why would he do this to his son. Was Ryan this heartless. He asked himself "mum, why don't you talk to father too" Troy asked in a worried tone making Ryan to halt in his steps bitting his red lips. He pushed his hands deep inside his pocket playing with a stick of cigarette in his pants. How much he wanted to pull it out and Take a woof on it but his son was here.

Ryan searched his head for a lie quickly, he didn't know what to reply to his son. He can't tell him that he doesn't want too, they were in love when he died. Ryan always stays behind leaving Troy to talk to his fake father alone, mostly because he was feeling guilty every time they come to this particular grave. These are the times which Ryan wishes to have a normal nine year old who doesn't ask questions like these ones. Now he has to lie again.