Irrational Anger ( MXM)

020

Sorry for the late update but I'm not in the right place right now. I'm sick and I I'm depressed because of something's going on in my life. Hope everything gets better with me which I know it would with time. Thanks @Annie for being there for me. You're so fun to talk to,love you.

Thank you all of you for supporting this book by the way I appreciate it so much.

Enjoy these updates.

"You don't get it Annette" Ryan tapped his foot on the floor unconsciously his face all wet with tears "he kissed me, I kissed him back and I-I l-liked it, I want to do it again if given a chance" Ryan confessed truthfully looking at the black haired woman in front of him.

"Oh" Annette said surprised, Ryan had been talking and talking. This was the first time he admitted that to Annette ever since they started talking like five hours ago.

"Why am l feeling like this Annette, why did I do that. I hate him so much. W-when I see him all I see is red, I want to rip him apart and toss him somewhere no one will ever find him,I have this anger inside of me which makes me act irrationally but that day we fought, something inside of me awoken. I started feeling things I have never felt before. I never get hard Annette like ever but that day, I actually got hard just by him on top of me. I don't even kiss people,you know that Annette, I don't do anything sexual because of my past but why him. Why did it feel great and why am I craving him to do it again. Why did it feel right yet wrong-" Ryan rumbled on pulling on his fingers so hard they hurt but he didn't stop. He needs to feel that pain.

A full week had passed since that day in the rest room and Ryan hasn't been able to get out of his bedroom until Mrs Benicio forced him to go see Annette, for years he hadn't needed the woman but after having that craving of wanting to cut himself he knew he needed someone to talk to. Troy is worried about him and this is not healthy at all, if Ryan wants to see his son grow he needs to be stable but looking the way he has been this whole week, he was losing his mind slowly for thinking too much. Ryan don't blame the devil any more, he blames himself for the kiss. Neil wanted to pull away but Ryan pulled him in again and kissed him on his own.

Ryan didn't know why he did that for crying out loud. He hated the guy with all his being, but the question is why did he kiss him like that.

"Ryan don't panic" Annette handed him a glass of water in his shaky hands "This is so complicated" Annette said putting her hands on her thighs rubbing on them. She had been doing this job for years but for the first time she didn't know what to tell Ryan.

Ryan gulped on his water feeling himself calm down a little but his heart wasn't making it easy for him at the way it was beating"That man is the cause of all this Annette, everything that I have went through is because of that man, all the suffering, all the crying it's that's man's fault and what did I do I went a head and made out with him this time without him forcing me" Ryan sighed pulling on his hair, his face all red in anger and if it wasn't for Troy he would have killed himself . He was so ashamed he doesn't deserve to be in this world anymore. Yet he had to think about his son. What will Troy be like without him. All Troy's life depends on Ryan.

"I hate myself too much Annette!" he mumbled shaking his head "how could I-" he nibbled on his lips hard feeling like he can't breath.

"Calm down" Annette kneeled in front of him putting her soft hands in Ryan's squeezing them in comfort "the question is" Annette said looking at Ryan "are you going to let him ruin you life again"  Annette's voice was soft and calming "look at me Ryan" she commanded. Ryan obligated looking at her in the eye " he ruined your life when you were a teenager so the question is are you willing to let him ruin yours life again after all these years"