Natasha Romanoff X fem reader One shots

not feel

Get ready for some sad shit. Sorry about this. But it ends really cute so don't kill me

Background: You were dating Natasha. You broke up a year and a half ago and fell in life with Hydra. Not that you wanted to but it just kinda happened. They changed you, you told them you didn't want to feel anymore and they made sure of it. (obviously you didn't know the weight of those words, you were missing Natasha and you wanted it to stop). On a mission you encounter her and she hates seeing you like this. She takes you and tries to get you to come back.....can she?

Your POV: a year and a half ago

"I can't believe were doing this! again!" I screamed and Natasha threw her head back and laughed "it's bullshit Y/N and you know it!" I screamed in frustration and threw my bag on my bed "I'm not doing this anymore!" Natasha grabbed my arm "why are you being like this?" I ripped my arm from her grip "your really asking me that?" she cocked her eyebrow "uh yeah? Y/N I went to get a drink" I laughed in disbelief. She can't be serious! I glared at her "With Wanda! you don't have time to eat lunch with me but you have time to get drunk with Wanda" she crossed her arms "wait?! I'm not drunk Y/N. Are you implying that I'm cheating on you?" I kept quiet and continued to pull the clothes out of my drawers and she pulled the bag from me "Y/N!?" I ripped the bag back "Natasha I wait every night for you to come into bed and you always come in when I'm asleep and are gone when I wake up. You never eat meals with me anymore, not that I have been eating but that obviously doesn't matter to you. I can't even remember the last time you kissed me on the lips Natasha" she went to cup my face and I pushed her hand away "don't" she sat on the bed "Y/N I'm sorry I've been so busy with work" I picked up my bag "don't worry about it. You won't have me as a distraction anymore" Natasha looked at me "so what? am I just supposed to watch you walk around the compound and pretend we never had this?" I looked at her "I'll make it easy on you and leave all together" 

I walked past her without saying anything and threw my bag in the quinnjet. I turned off the tracker and got the bird up in the air, all the while tears were streaming down my face. I turned off communications and decided I would fly until the fuel ran out. 

-Time skip a year and a half after the breakup- 

I cocked my gun and loaded it into the holster. I rarely think of the avengers anymore. Now they are only a name to me. I walked onto the jet and nodded to one of the agents "Orlov" he nodded back "ah Y/N, ready to do some bad?" I placed a knife in my boot "sure. What's the mission?" he looked at me "you missed debrief" I nodded and a harsh slap was placed on my cheek "maybe you'll remember now that debrief isn't an option" I nodded "yes sir" he grabbed another agent "tell her the mission" he nodded and Orlov looked at me "turn it off Y/N" I nodded and he grinned "Hail Hydra" I nodded "Hail Hydra" he started to fill me in but I wasn't really listening. I learned how to only pick out the key points. The rest of it was meaningless. I always went out to kill. That was my job. To turn it all off and help Orlov get to where he needed. 

I ran out of the jet and started taking out men one by one. I felt nothing. I had changed so much over the past year and a half. I had lost my joy, my stability, my calm demeanor, the peace that once rested in my mind had been shattered. I created a whole new identity for myself. It's quite interesting to see the people we become when we just turn it all off, when we just force ourselves to stop feeling. we become capable of anything. Lying, stealing, seducing, killing, it all becomes so easy because there's nothing attached to it.   

Natasha's POV:

I was running when I saw the all too familiar y/h/c. I threw a widow bite and knocked her out. What was she doing? she shouldn't be with Hydra. I lifted her body from the ground and carried her into the jet. Steve looked at me then Y/N "damn, long time no see Y/N" I laid her on the table "you need to tie her down" Steve looked at me "but it's Y/N" I nodded "I know but she was with Hydra" Steve looked at me and saw I was breaking, he spoke into his coms "Clint or Wanda we need you to come in and help" Clint answered and said he was on his way. I stood over Y/N, watching her face. God I missed her. I had looked for her since she left, and to see her now, in the hands of our enemy....God why didn't I just eat lunch with her?

Clint walked on the plane "ye- holy shit! is that really Y/N?" I nodded and Clint came up to me and put his hand on my shoulder "come on, lets go sit" I squeezed Y/N's hand and walked with Clint to a seat. 

Once the team was back home and settled I took a quick shower and headed to Y/N's containment module. She laid there and I drew my chair closer to her bedside. Fuck protocol with prisoners, this was Y/N. She stirred and shot up, I looked at her "shhh your safe" she glared at me "let me out" I shook my head "I can't Y/N. You know that" she rolled her eyes "they'll come for me" I furrowed my eyebrows "you really want that?" she shook her head and I grabbed her hand but she pulled it away "don't touch me" I looked at her "Y/N this isn't you" she laughed and scoffed "this is me" I shook my head "no it's not. I know you Y/N" she looked at me "you knew me Natasha. Past tense" I looked at her "what did they do to you love?" she scoffed "they didn't do anything" 

It killed me that she wouldn't let me touch her, wouldn't let me hold her in my arms and tell her it was gonna be ok. Her eyes were dull, her voice had changed. She didn't even make eye contact with me. 

She broke me out of my concentration "can you get me a cig?" my head snapped to her "no" she rolled her eyes "I'm not gonna burn you with it relax" I laughed "that's now why I'm not giving it to you" she waved her hand "if your worried about my health don't" I just looked at her "I'm not giving it to you because you made me promise you to never let you smoke" she looked at me shocked "y-you remember that?" I shook my head "of course I do" she began to fiddle with her fingers "why are you still trying to remember that?" I sat on the end of her bed "because I still care. Y/N what did they do?" she swallowed and played with her nails. It was one of her nervous habits and I always thought it was cute.

I lifted her chin with my index finger "Y/N?" she mumbled "I asked them to help me not feel" my heart broke and I saw the pain in her eyes, I cupped her face "it didn't work did it?" a tear escaped her eyes, she shook her head no and fell into me and cried. I held her close to my chest and she mumbled "I still need you" I rubbed her back "I never stopped needing you baby" she sobbed and clung to me. I rocked her back and forth in my arms. 

She ended up calming down and I pulled her away and wiped her tears "I never wanted you to leave. I'm sorry I was so occupied with work" she watched me "I'm sorry I made such a big deal of you getting a drink" I rubbed her cheek "be mine again, please" she held my arm "ok" I smiled and I kissed her head "baby I tried to tell you that I was planning our anniversary that night, I wanted Wanda to help me because you know I can SUCK at romance...sometimes" she face palmed "I'm such an idiot" I lifted her face "no you were just being protective" she laughed "you should've just pushed me against the wall" I chuckled "come to think of it I should've" I cupped her face and she looked at me "can I expose Hydra to you now?" I laughed and pulled her into my lap "I'll interrogate you with kisses" she fake whined "that's considered torture!!" I laughed "then you better start talking miss"

I don't know where this came from. I just picked up my computer and started writing. 

As always: I love you all 3000 and thank you