Natasha Romanoff X fem reader One shots

Can't you see me dying?

Background: You used to be a bubbly and talkative person but as life went on and things got more complicated that person disappeared

WARNINGS: eating disorder, purging, angst, depression, anxiety, insomnia 

I am not here to romanticize these disorders because they aren't pretty. They aren't something to be joked about. I know that first hand but they aren't talked about enough. This is yet another one shot I am writing because I have learned that my thoughts I have typed in the past have helped people figure out their own. I am a deep thinker. 

sorry for the lack of content today. I will only be updating this book. I was distracted....by someone....and quite frankly I'm ok with it. 

Your POV:

I opened my eyes to the sound of the water hitting the tile floor of the shower in my shared bathroom with Wanda and Natasha. I was half asleep at the time as I can never truly fall asleep properly. When you live like me shutting your eyes for fifteen minutes at a time is equivalent to sleeping. Proper sleep is a foreign concept to me, just as proper meals and calmness and happiness are as well. 

I live a double life. One with the Avengers and one that is lived within these four walls of my bedroom. Out there I am happy, a smile paints across my face as I laugh and giggle. I sit at the table and eat my meal, I wash my plate and and go to complete my paperwork as everyone else does. To them I'm happy and normal. In their eyes I'm ok. But that...that is so far from the truth. The laughs I produce are pulled past the lump in my throat, used as a substitute for the scream I wish I could produce instead. I look at my plate and my brain begins to calculate, it acts as a calculator, pinpointing the amount of calories that is in each serving of my food. The ironic thing is that I am counting for no reason, I know that after this I will run into the guest bathroom and throw up every last thing I've eaten as I've done for the past couple months. Only eating as much as I need to function. 

My mind is held a hostage by anxiety. Anxiety is accompanied by my depression. Insomnia takes night shift. There is never a time when I hear silence. There is always a echo in my head. Making decisions for me. I am like a child. Indecisive, sensitive, needing to be cared for. The disorders have made me a child once again. You see the world differently. My vision is altered by my fear. I see everything as a threat. The biggest threat is myself. 

I rolled out of bed and put on my hoodie and my sweats then headed to the bathroom. I frantically fixed my hair. Praying Natasha or Wanda wouldn't walk in. They both had the best chance of finding out what's going on inside my head. I heard the water stop and I quickly gave up on my braid and retreated to a messy bun. I left my room and headed outside to the kitchen 

"morning everyone! how are we all doing?" I painted the smile on my face and raised my voice a few octaves as I spoke. My mined raced as I waited for them to buy my act, which they did. They always did. I sat down and grabbed a granola bar, 132 calories. I need around 500 to function properly. Given missions and training and everything. When I know I don't have any missions I only go for 200. I ate, forcing myself to swallow every bite.

Natasha's POV:

I came out wrapped in a towel just as Y/N left the room. She does that all the time. I walked into my room "baby" Wanda paused her show and came over to me, giving me a kiss while lightly slapping my ass "morning love" I smiled "morning beautiful, how did you sleep?" she nodded "good. All the way up until I woke up and you weren't there" I chuckled "baby, you can train with me in the mornings instead of the evenings" Wanda furrowed her eyebrows and tilted her head "and wake up at the ungodly hour of four thirty with you every morning? your insane" I laughed and kissed her head "your cute" she smiled and looked at me "your thinking about something else?" I sighed and rubbed the sides of her arms "it's Y/N" she nodded "I knew it" I looked at her "has she been running from you too?" she nodded and I sighed, Wanda held my face "you say that like I wouldn't notice, you know it's both of us who are crushing on her right?" I blushed "yeah babe I know" she nodded "yes baby, you wanna ask her what's going on don't you?" I nodded "it's fake Wanda, I know you see it to" she nodded "I see it babe but are you sure you want to corner her?" I nodded "somethings wrong Wands I know it" she nodded "ok babe"