Aravel

Chapter 39

When Kaze woke up, he found himself lying in bed. For a second there, he thought that everything that happened was a dream until he noticed Lunaria in her outfit next to him.

"Good, you have woken up," Lunaria sighed in relief when she noticed him looking around. "Thank god Frey held back. For a second there, I was about to rescue you."

"W-Where... am I?" Kaze grunted, pushing himself up from lying posture. "Is this... the infirmary?"

"Yes. Everyone else left to get some food at the festival for lunch while I stayed back," Lunaria smiled reassuringly at him. "Don't worry, the fight ended well. I would say you already tried your best, especially against Frey."

"... It wasn't even a fight..." Kaze muttered at her words. "I was..."

"Kaze?" Lunaria stopped herself when she saw him grovelling into his hands, as if he was in pain. "Are you okay?"

"... No, it's nothing," Kaze took a deep breath to calm himself. "You said Yuuji and the others were out for food?"

"Yes... we can leave to find them if you want, or we can stay here and wait for them to get back," Lunaria slowly nodded. "I suggest we wait here because I don't know if you are comfortable enough with moving just yet."

At her words, Kaze plopped back down onto the bed, staring at the ceiling aimlessly. He flashed back to the fight earlier, as if trying to find out what he missed that made him unable to perform at his best. His entire body just froze up, like it malfunctioned and wouldn't listen to him.

"... Kaze, what happened?" Lunaria lowered her voice, leaning closer to him. "I could tell, even from afar, you weren't fighting like your usual self in training with me."

"... I don't know," Kaze shook his head, covering his eyes with one arm. "I think... I lost."

"No, not that. You know winning or losing isn't the main point," Lunaria frowned. "I was referring to why you were acting sluggish. You looked afraid of something every time you swung your sword."

A short moment of silence passed between the two of them after Lunaria's last sentence. Kaze felt like he knew the reason himself but wasn't able to confront it directly. What's more, he felt ashamed of talking about it with Lunaria, someone who judged him for who he was. It was embarrassing to show weakness to his enemy, but worse when it came to exposing himself to his friends.

"... Lunaria, can you... promise me one thing?" Kaze swallowed his saliva, glancing around the empty infirmary nervously. "I need to tell you something, but I don't want anyone else to know about it..."

When she didn't give an answer, Kaze just accepted it as a silent confirmation, seeing that she was still staring at him.

"I... think I'm afraid of fighting," Kaze's voice trembled as he admitted his weakness. "All this time, I have been training so hard just so I could improve myself. Even with the centipede and facing against Sir Ethan, I thought I had it in me to become someone I wanted to be. Frey... made me realize that I was not ready."

"... How strange, I never thought I would hear these words from you," Lunaria smiled, creating a sound barrier around them. "Carry on."

Widening his eyes at her very brief response, Kaze felt like she was urging him to crack open his heart to expose his true feelings to her. It was Lunaria's way of telling him that she was willing to listen to him, just as she had exposed herself a while back.

"... I regret not listening to your advice," Kaze admitted softly, squeezing Lunaria's hand without him realizing it. "To you, and the others. I... was already lacking the fighting practical experience that most of you have from training since you, but I didn't realize that until right now. Coming from the countryside, I had already realized the vast difference in swordfighting education here than what I got, but I assumed it would be alright if I just worked hard enough on my own. I was... not reliant enough... on people who were already there for me..."