My Blood

I don't know how to loose you

"hey what's up" Leoni smiled at the sight of Bellamy, his mere presence making her feel so safe for reasons unknown and he seemed to relax at the sight of her too

"i em...i just wanted to say i'll see you soon ok?" he swallowed nervously looking down at his feet. His hand came up to fiddle with the loose thread at the bottom of her top pulling her closer to him as he traced infinity signs on her waistline

"what's going on..." Leoni asked with her suspicions rising. She pushed his head up to look at her

"i..." Bellamy let Leoni push up his gaze and bit his lip in heartache when he saw the girls worried face
"i really lo...like you i really like you Lee" he said shakily

"what are you doing Bell" Leoni asked quietly. She took a step back having a strange feeling she knew where this was going. she was used to people buttering her up before hitting her with the tough stuff, hell she did it herself!

"i'm going to mount weather" Bellamy explained taking her hand in his and running a thumb over the back of her hand

"yeah you are! we all are once we work out how to get in without getting our asses fogged off" Leoni laughed through the nagging feeling of there was something worse coming

"No, I'm going, me. Lincoln's taking me in the reaper entrance i'm gonna be an inside inside man, report back through the radio Raven built" he clenched his jaw in dismay when Leoni's face dropped. she was used to caring about 2 peoples lives, Lexa's and her own! even Lincoln she cared for but not as much as she cared for the boy in front of her. Why did she let herself do that when she knew pain like this would be the outcome!

"oh..." was all Leoni could stifle
"i mean um...i don't really know what to say" Leoni laughed awkwardly. Inside she felt her whole world crashing down. Now that they were at peace she assumed the two of them could do normal things and help run the alliance, train and fight and just be!

"i'm gonna be fine i just wanted to say goodbye" Bellamy shifted on his feet obviously uncomfortable with the situation he'd put them both in

"ok then" Leoni nodded taking everything in from the words that had left his mouth to the eyes that spoke for themselves

"we'll em...i've said what i wanted to say" Bellamy dropped the girls hand and started to walk away in doing so he tore Leoni's heart out, stomping on it with every step

"No going back now"Leoni huffed to herself before grabbing his swinging arm and pulling him back to kiss him with everything she had. she wrapped her arms around his neck when she felt him kiss back. after they both finally pulled away for a breath Leoni pressed her head against his and closed her eyes trying to remember how it felt to have his hands around her waist. The way his hair curled around her fingers. The tiniest smug smirk that appeared on his face just after they'd pulled away. The way it felt to just need him. Only him

"Let me come with you-" she started breathlessly

"No Lee no." He told her sternly

"I know the woods I've killed way more people than you-"

"Leoni stop it"

"Please! Let me help they're my people-"

"No!"

"I can't loose you" she said finally shutting them both up
"I've never cared for anyone the way I care for you and I hate it because now I can't loose you I don't know how to loose you. I'll never forgive myself!"

"Leoni please-"

"Stay" she begged allowing her thumbs to run across his cheeks as she got lost in his eyes, flickering from one to the other desperately

"I need to do this-"

"No you don't! We have people that's the best bit about me being royal we don't have to do anything, please stay!" She begged her voice braking as he held her tighter

"Yes I do" he nodded in acceptance
"And you know I do" Leoni bowed her head to stop the hurt spilling over her face, she buried herself into his chest hugging him like never before. His head landed on top of hers as he hugged her back, placing light kisses on her forehead and hairline. They stayed like that for a second before Leoni finally pulled away taking a deep breath and holding both of his hands in hers

"quite frankly you're the best man for the job so me trying to stop you is probably kind of selfish" Bellamy laughed lightly pulling her in to lean his head against hers and allow his arms to fall loosely on her hips
"but just don't- don't do anything stupid, don't do anything i wouldn't do but at the same time don't do anything i would do there's a small grey area that's your safe zone! don't loose sight of why you're doing this because you're heart is what makes you you, don't be sloppy, don't do anything without thinking about it first, don't be a goddamn hero because we all know you already are one you don't have to prove it, don't kill anyone who doesn't deserve it and please please don't die because that shit hurts and for some reason that I can't quite figure out I really don't want you to die! you got all that?" Leoni finished and then realised there were a few stray tears rolling down her face

"yeah...yeah i got it " Bellamy gave a sad smile
"i'll check in on the radio though so you'll know everything and know I'm ok."

"promise me you'll come back" Leoni begged through a voice she didn't trust not to collapse at any second

"i promise" he whispered

"ok" Leoni sniffled pulling away
"jesus i spent the past god knows how many years on the ground having never cried and in the time you've been in my life i've done it twice Bellamy Blake" Leoni laughed wiping the tears from her face. Bellamy kissed her again and then again and again before finally going to walk away

"look after my sister!" he said nodding at her in respect

"may we meet again" she smiled

"may we meet again" he repeated before disappearing into the darkness leaving Leoni desperately trying to stop the tears before anyone saw, only when she lifted her hand to her face did she realise the material around her wrist. confused, she examined it carefully, thumbing the knot in the middle then it made sense. the end of Bellamy's shirt. he must have tied it on to her when he grabbed her hand. holding it to her mouth she closed her eyes letting all remaining tears run until there was none left.

"son of a bitch Bellamy" she sighed. then by taking a deep breath and getting herself together she walked back into the tent. Lexa had already fallen asleep which didn't surprise Leoni she had always been a quick sleeper even in situations like this. Leoni sat down at her commanders side stroking her hair softly, Leoni's touch must have woken her up because a sleepy Lexa moved her head onto Leoni's lap before snuggling in

"He's gone?" Lexa asked sleepily

"Yeah" Leoni whispered in pure devastation as the reality of his being in some one man mission inside of a mountain she had never been able to defeat sunk in

"He'll be back" Lexa assured and fell back asleep Leoni combing through her hair. She leaned against the canvas wall of the tent and tried to relax but it was hard knowing both Bellamy and Lincoln had just left.

"I know" she whispered again. even if it was for the greater good or whatever they still left.

I'm sorry