Chapter 9

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MILO’S P.O.V.

Josh doesn’t mess around. That infectious smile of his might lead people to believe he’s the nicest guy on the planet, which he is, until you put a basketball in his hands.

The sweat is pouring off me worse than when I train with Jayce, I’ve had to rip my vest off just so my skin can breathe and most of the other guys feel the same way. At least they mostly made it to the benches before they collapsed, Eli is still laying in the middle of the court panting like a bitch in heat.

“You still alive there?”

Eli’s dark lifeless eyes stare up at the ceiling, the flicker in his lashes and heavy rise of his chest all the sign he’s still a part of this world. He hasn’t moved in ten minutes and I can’t blame him, I feel dead.

Sitting on the court next to him, my hand slips in my attempts to get up as it comes into contact with the perspiration leaking from his body directly onto the floor.

“I thought you said Josh works in an office or something? Like a desk job? How the hell is he still standing when we feel like this? Man’s not human.”

He’s not wrong, Josh is over there standing and smiling at a bunch of cheerleaders from one of the other schools, looking like he didn’t just out run us all ten times over. Even Coach was looking sorry for us by the end. Never thought I’d actually meet someone with better stamina than me.

Eli manages to prop himself up on his elbows, although I can see it’s a struggle for him, he’s definitely more of a weights than cardio guy. He focuses his attention on Josh, two girls I recognise from a few parties standing before him flipping their hair so much I’m pretty sure one of them is going to get whiplash. God if they only knew it was for nothing.

“You sure that guy’s gay? He could clean up right now, those girls are just multiplying around the dude.”

Yeah, it’s pretty much been like that since we started training, although he doesn’t seem to notice. Josh has always been like that, so nice to everyone he doesn’t even realise when they’re looking at him like a quick snack. Every time I hear Lee or Brie talk about the guy it’s always with a hint of sympathy, they worry about him a lot more than they tell him.

When he moved away there was a change in both of them, they missed the guy. I’d always know when he was coming to visit without them saying anything because the mood would pick up instantly, he just has that way of making everyone around him feel appreciated and wanted. It’s why people are drawn to him without him having to try, it’s effortless.

I think it’s a shield though, he’s naturally kind but there’s pain there too. We spent quite a bit of time alone together when I was a kid, every so often I’d see the mask slip for a moment, especially when it came to one thing.

Harley.

I can’t imagine what losing him must have been like, to have a night filled with joy be torn down into the worst moment of your life. I was so much younger than them all back then, but I still remember a lot of that night. Me and May begged Mum and Dad to let us go over to the big dance and eventually they gave in, we got to sit with the big kids for a little bit and pretend we were one of them.

Harley was like sunshine, you couldn’t stop smiling at him. I remember even then thinking they looked so happy together, that I wanted to be happy like that when I was older. Even when Mum tried to make us go back to the junior dance I forced her to wait in the doorway so I could see who made king and queen, Mum really wanted it to be Lee and Chad but I didn’t, I wanted it to be those two. Then they won and I was so happy, so happy to see two people who really loved each other win.

That’s one of the last things I remember from that night, the rest of it is blanketed in a cloud of fear and gunshots. I hit my head really hard on a table when I heard the first shot, I was trying to protect my sister but it kind of messed with my memories. There’s some screaming, Jayce’s panicked face, being in Mums arms... then nothing for a while until I remember seeing Josh again.

He was sitting on the steps outside the hall, paramedics trying to talk to him but he wasn’t answering, he wasn’t even crying, he was screaming.

Pain. Heartbroken cries of pain. People don’t like to talk about that night, I know it was the night everyone lost so much - my brother still has the scars to prove the damage. But Josh, what he went through, I don’t know how he can keep smiling carrying that weight. It’s never stopped him being there for everyone else though, he never missed anything where they needed him and he did it with that gorgeous smile every single time.

I can’t help wondering if he has anyone in his life that makes him as happy as he makes everyone else, or if he’s still sacrificing that happiness to keep up the mask. Can anyone ever be happy if they’re still too afraid to let themselves feel?

Climbing to my feet, I force Eli up onto his, just as a petite pair of arms wrap themselves around my waist. Zoe shimmy’s around my body but never loosens her hold on me until we’re face to face.

“You need to shower.”

I laugh, her little face scrunched up like that, she’s like a toddler sometimes.

“Well yeah, just finished a three hour practise. This is basketball babe, it isn’t something easy like... cheerleading.”

Her tiny fists start colliding with my chest but they soon stop when my lips meet her neck, her fake protest being replaced with giggles as I wrap myself around her. She’s so bloody small, sometimes I feel like I’m going to crush her if I hold her as tight as I want to.

“You’re an asshole Milo Thompson.”

She stumbles back trying to hold in her laughter, but I catch her and pepper my kisses up over her jaw. Out of the corner of my eye I catch Josh’s, causing me to instinctively pull back from Zoe. Why did I do that? Josh wouldn’t give a fuck about me doing that, so why did I want to stop...?

“Thompson! Put the damn girl down and get these balls away!” Coach’s voice echo’s worse in this hall than it does in the one back home.

Zoe smiles, unlocking my arms from her hips and putting a kiss on my cheek before stepping in close to my ear so only I can hear her.

“Initiation night is on the fourth floor, I’m on the first... dorm will be empty after they all go, figure we’d stay for one drink then make use of it...”

Words that would make any other teenage boys dick instantly solid, yet the second she steps back I feel cold. What the fuck is wrong with me? Being around Zoe usually makes every part of me flush with happiness, but it feels so fucking off at the moment.

“Thompson!”

“Yes coach!” Zoe waves as she runs to join the other girls, her aunt giving me the ‘I know what you’re up to’ glare. Zo said her dad told her aunt to keep her away from me while she was here but the woman seems to be too caught up I pretending she’s one of the girls to care. Eli's already running over to the back of the court to get the balls from there, Josh grabbing the ones from the middle, so I go to the other side, bouncing them over to Josh the second he turns back around. He told me back at his office that he wasn’t very good but he hasn’t missed a pass all day, although I haven’t seen him shoot yet.

I’m surprised he can move as well as he can with shorts that tight, he’s ass is so solid I just want to... Nothing, I want to do nothing.

Get your shit together. You’re acting like a fucking awed little kid around him again.

I grab the last two balls and walk them over, slipping them straight from my hands into the bag Josh has open.

“Miles, I got this. Go after your.. okay, I want to say girlfriend but I remember what Jayce used to be like about labels so I’ll say, special mate?”

I laugh, me and Jayce are a lot alike in many ways but the way he was with girls before Lee isn’t one of them. I’ve never got the appeal of screwing every girl you see or being afraid to call someone yours, most of the girls I meet I’m not that bothered about anyway if I’m honest. I know I’m in the minority, Eli has made it through almost every girl in our year and doesn’t give a fuck, they just can’t resist that accent of his. Bloody British prick sounding like Mary Poppins with a bad hangover.

“Girlfriend is fine, I’m not a commitment-phobe. I’m not gonna dump this on you, captains job and all that.”

Eli bounces up to me with a pyramid of balls in his hands, spilling the top two straight onto the floor, although they don’t get the chance to hit it. I capture one but as I go for the other one Josh’s hand collides with mine, both of us stumbling as our fingers meet with force. He manages to get it with his other hand as it bounces but it takes a second for either of us to realise our hands are still together. For a mental fucking moment I have the desire to push forwards, locking our fingers completely and letting our palms meet...

I shove the thought out of my head quickly, retracting my hand in an instant and trying to force the touch memory of his warm soft skin on mine away before it takes me over. There’s a hesitation in his eyes, it was like a flash that instantly disappeared before me, but it was there. A flicker of a spark.

“Guys, a little help.”

The world had faded to black around me so much I forgot Eli was still standing there with arms full of balls. Josh chuckles, a sincere sound of amusement that makes me instantly smile back. He’s light, his aura so bright you couldn’t miss him, like stars in the night sky that capture your gaze.

Why is he still alone? Who is he waiting for? A smile like that should be shared with someone who can appreciate how beautiful it is.

Taking the balls one at a time from him, we dump them into the bag, Josh making sure his skin doesn’t come into contact with mine at any point. Did that freak him out? Did I freak him out?

Eli let’s his thick muscular arms fall to his sides and shakes them out like he just finished benching 350, he needs to lay off the dramatics.

“Miles, Zoe tell you about the plan for initiation? Fourth floor, room-”

I slam my hand over his mouth and honestly I could kill this little fucker right now. He may be a decent looking package but there ain’t anything going on under the hood of this guy. I love him like a brother but he’s seriously dull sometimes.

Josh is standing right there, every player here sneaking out to one room with bottles of whatever they could steal from their parents liquor cabinet so we can all get smashed on the first night here as our initiation into the week isn’t exactly legal, if he wanted to Josh could stop the whole thing now.

I look to see if he heard Big fucking Ben over here and the smirk on his face tells me he did, although he doesn’t look to bothered.

“Initiation still a thing is it? Chad got so hammered at our one I found him sleeping in the wheelie bin out front trying to cuddle a rabid racoon for warmth. He even named the thing and it kept coming back all week to find him.”

Thank fuck. We both burst out laughing, Josh tying the bag with a smile on his face at the memory before lifting it like it weighs nothing and dumping it in the storage cupboard.

Rubbing the back if his neck, he returns to us, making sure to talk quietly so Coach doesn’t hear.

“Just don’t get wasted too bad, I’m not coming to look for any of you and if any of the guys pass out in the hallway I’m leaving them there. Coach won’t let a hangover stop him making you run laps tomorrow and you know it.”

Eli smiles at me, clearly happy he didn’t fuck things for us like usual. This guy is actually one of the best car racers this side of the Atlantic, his team is going to the championships this year basically off his back. It’s a sport that takes precision, planning, well thought out execution and incredible reflexes. How this rambling fool is so good at it I’ll never know.

The three of us walk out back towards the dorms, the food from the cafeteria smells so fucking good after all that work but I know I need a shower first, although it doesn’t seem to bother Josh as he gets ready to head that way. His t-shirt is almost plastered to his skin with sweat, the ripple of his toned chest clear through the fabric. When I saw him step out earlier in just his shorts I couldn’t stop myself staring at him..

That’s okay though, I’ve seen loads of guys I’ve thought had good bodies, ones where I wished I could have their calves or abs or something. It doesn’t mean... it’s just an appreciation for someone’s hard work. He couldn’t have been just gifted a body like that, he works hard for it.

Although it is the first time every part of me reacted to a guy like that.

We reach a fork in the path and Josh gets ready to head towards to the food hall. He doesn’t get a step that way before Eli slaps their hands together and pulls him into a bro hug, smacking his back hard and making Josh laugh.

“Glad you came mate, his brother and his dad kind of scare the crap out of me.”

Josh laughs, returning my weirdo best friends hug. I don’t know why Eli is so scared of Dad or Jayce, his mum is pretty much the most intimidating person I’ve met since I had a run in with that woman Sonya at the wedding. There’s a woman that could put the fear of God into any man.

I notice a few of the other Dads standing at the end of the path, their glare on Josh. He hasn’t really spoken to any of them since he’s been here that I’ve seen, even at practise they all seemed to be bothered that he was the one Coach chose as assistant. I’m really fucking hoping their issue isn’t what I think it is because I don’t give a fuck who they are, I won’t have him treated like shit around me. I guess it makes sense he wouldn’t want to sit with them though, he’s closer to my age than theirs, what would they have in common?

Besides, Josh is one of the guys. He isn’t some dude who sold out his life years ago and lives with someone he knocked up fresh out of high school and hates; he’s the guy with a nice fucking car, killer job and still makes sure he can be there for everyone who needs him. He’s more one of us than one of them.

Stepping back, Josh waits for a second before reaching out and doing the same thing with me. There’s not much height difference between us, he’s slightly shorter, but as his chest hits mine and his hand comes down on my back, I can feel his fresh cool breath hit the side of my neck.

Oh fuck.

There’s a rush of adrenaline that powers through me, running from my toes to my head and making me feel truly alive for the first time in so long. There’s an affection in his touch, it’s firm showing his strength but there’s something else too... a softness.

I don’t want to let him go. I can’t explain it, I just don’t want to let him go.

You have to Milo.

The second his body leaves mine it’s like the Arctic has suddenly surrounded us, I feel so fucking cold.

I need to stop him, just talk to him, anything, just another minute.

“Josh!” He stops, turning from his spot on the path to face me, those eyes of his looking even more blue under the setting sunlight. “Um.. Chad.. What did he name the raccoon?”

His whole face lights up, the memory clearly one he’s very fond of. He really did lose so much that night.

“It was a feral little thing with too much black hair and the capacity to rip your head off with a single bite. He called it the only thing he could...”

Oh god, he didn’t.

“...Brie.”

I can’t stop laughing, neither can he. The euphoric sound of his happiness lingering even after he turns and makes his way along the path.

That sound.. I remember why I loved it so much now.

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